Fantasy
by Kelly Noel
Summary: When Kaiba launches his big plan to get Mokuba the best birthday present he can think of, what insanity will ensue? There will be pure insanity... There will be pure evil... There will even be pure satire... BUT BY RA THERE WILL BE HUMOUR! -YnKN
1. Any normal day

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
November 22, 2003  
  
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A/n:  
  
Bakura always gets left out of ALL the cool stuff. Like Virtual world #1, Dungeon Dice Monsters, and now Virtual world #2. How completely unfair is that? Totally, right? Glad you agree. ^-^ So I wanna make it up to him and the other characters that get gypped of air time. Can't you just imagine how incredibly cute Bakura-kun would be in a virtual world? INCREDIBLY CUTE! First he'd be all scared, like. Then he'd melo out. Then there'd be some duel action, I think his yami would take over from there… but nonetheless it would have been cute. ^^; I rant a little too much for my own good…  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, but I aspire to own Yu-Gi-Oh: King of Games- Series One: A Shadow Game, by my birthday or Christmas. Now all I got to do is find it on the web…  
  
Hey, if you help me find all 27 episodes I'll let you join the story! It's a win, win situation people. I'm happy, you're happy, other readers are happy, did I mention I'd be happy?  
  
And on a final note my yami will be narrating the story from here on. Sayonara!  
  
-Kelly Noel  
  
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It had started out like any normal day for Seto Kaiba, but when you were the teenage CEO of a multimillion company how do you classify normal? However, according to this script I'm holding, it was a normal day, so we'll just go with it.   
  
The skies cried with hard, cold tears; that seemed to sooth his anger as he stared out the window of his office, like any other normal day he would brood, like a dark anti-villain should. Often it would be the reaction of a loss by his rival Yugi Motou, but not today. Occasionally it would be because of a hostile take over of his company, but not in this series.   
  
No. Today it was much deeper than that, as a character of his standard would not brood about such trivial things today. No this was far more important, far more dangerous. Almost to the point of being lethal…  
  
"What am I going to get for Mokuba's birthday?"  
  
See? I told you it was lethal. Anyway, yes, our incredibly sexy, hot, and sexy anti-villain was in quite a situation. His brother's birthday was just around the corner and he had no clue, despite his super genius, as to what to get him. This normally would not have been a problem for him before the DeathT games, until Yugi Motou had shown him the true power of "brotherly love."  
  
"Curse you Yugi…" He snarled, sticking a pin into a small doll with a familiar hand like, hair do. He tightened his grip around the doll's short build as if he was choking Yugi himself, if only... But, as the narrator I can't really play favorites, or at least, I'm not supposed to, so back to the story. Stuffing the poorly made doll back into his jacket pocket, he went back to the situation at hand.  
  
Kaiba removed himself from his chair and took the brooding stance, while looking out his huge glass window. The rain continued to beat down, merciless, like his brother's rage would be when no gift could be found to celebrate his 13th year of life. Stroking his chin he began to ponder an appropriate gift for his brother's first year of teenaged life. Sure he could but him more of those "monster capsules," but he had already bought him the last series in existence last year. Besides, Mokuba had grown tired of this game, Duel Monsters had taken the gaming world by storm and the Capsule Monsters was a dying fad.  
  
"Perhaps his own dueling deck?" Kaiba wondered out loud. It made sense considering he was the reigning champion, or, to be more precise, the second in command. Mokuba, from the end of the DeathT games at least, always looked up to him, so why would he not want to follow in his brother's foot steps? But a problem still existed, or Kaiba thought so.  
  
"But his first deck should be one of great power and rarity. How am I to find 40 of the rarest cards in time?" He slammed his fist against the fiberglass window that took up the entire back wall, and he fell into angst once more. "This is just another one of those times I regret ripping up that fourth Blue Eyes." He groaned, leaning his forehead up against the glass.  
  
"But perhaps there are better cards for him. Cards that would suit his personality better than a Blue Eyes." Kaiba grinned in his satanic manner and removed his head from the cold glass. "Finding such cards will be difficult even if I wasn't under a time limitation, but not impossible." Kaiba's eyes flickered with a lovely spark, that would lead to raging fire. A dark passion to find these cards for his Mokuba burned brightly behind his cold blue eyes and he knew exactly how to get them.  
  
He quickly exited his office, silver briefcase in hand, only to be stopped by his foolish secretary who demanded to know where he was going. The fire within him smoldered, but he ignored her. He could fire her whenever, Mokuba's birthday wasn't going to wait for him.  
  
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As annoying as Yugi and his friends are, unfortunately they are necessary to the plot of this story so I must mention their whereabouts and what they think about in those pathetic brains of theirs. Taking refuge from the rain our three heroes and ever so perky heroine, remained in the Kame Game Shop, bored out of their meager minds.  
  
"I win again, Jounouchi-kun." Yugi Motou yawned, as he reshuffled his treasured Duel Monster deck, Jounouchi Katsuya feebly mourned over his latest defeat.  
  
"Is there a point to this game?" Honda Hiroto groaned, as both he an Anzu Mazaki watched the two duelists prepare for yet another duel.  
  
"Yeah, Honda. So we can see how bad Jounouchi's dueling skills really are." She mumbled, shifting from her uncomfortable sitting position. Honda chuckled somewhat as Jounouchi's face began to grow red, obviously from anger.  
  
"I'd like to see you do better you powder-puff for a duelist!" Jounouchi growled, throwing his fists on the table in a blind rage. Being cooped up all day has caused his normally bad mood to worsen. Irritable and aggravated, like he was pregnant or something. Banging his fists on the table caused Anzu to fall off her chair. It took her a few seconds before she remembered she was wearing a skirt and had fallen right below her short friend. She quickly scrambled to her feet before Yugi got a good look at her hello kitty panties.  
  
"Jounouchi you're such a head case!" She shouted embarrassed, as she tried to dust off her sore ass- I mean- bottom. Meanwhile, Honda handed Yugi his handkerchief, as the vertically challenged twerp was suffering from a nosebleed brought on by his lovely friend's underwear.  
  
Just as another brawl was to start between Jounouchi and Anzu, a bell could be heard, signaling that someone had entered the pathetically small establishment. Honda, being the only one unoccupied by a trivial problem, decided to greet the person and went down stairs to the store. Sliding down the railing of the stairs he called out to the person, telling them to hold on a second.  
  
"Welcome to the Kame Game Shop, how can I help you today?" Honda asked, memorizing the line Yugi had often used when his Grandfather had been out. He looked up to see Bakura, Ryou who appeared to be confused by his surroundings, but quickly regained his composure at the sight of his friend.  
  
"Konnichiwa, Honda-kun." Bakura smiled, running his pale fingers through his wet white hair. Honda blinked, he had not expected Bakura to be out on such a day like this.  
  
  
  
"Konnichiwa Bakura-kun. What are you doing out on such a miserable day?"  
  
"Uh…" Bakura stalled, baffled at the question. As far as he knew he had been asleep and now he was here. Looking down he realized he still had his bunny slippers on. "Um… now that you bring it up I uh… actually-"  
  
"Ack! Honda! Help she's beating me up!" Bakura and Honda looked up as the ceiling fan above them started to shake violently, as Jounouchi's cries for help could be heard along with the sound of cracking bones. Bakura winced while Honda rolled his eyes and ran up the staircase to rescue his friend, motioning for his somewhat estranged friend to follow.  
  
"If we get there quick enough he'll be out of the hospital in no time." Honda smirked as Bakura sweat dropped.  
  
"Well, at least we have something positive to look forward to." Bakura added, somewhat sarcastically.  
  
Yugi had managed to break up the fight somewhat, but Jounouchi still suffered from a dislocated jaw from when Anzu had punched him, thus the ever so pleasant cracking sound. Now I'd like to take the time to say how I have a new respect for Anzu-chan and would like to make it clear that this is not the English anime dub reject many of you have grown to hate. Thank you for your time. Now back to the carnage.  
  
"I caun't tawk…" Jounouchi whimpered, as Yugi tried to relocate his jaw. Anzu lay sprawled out on Yugi's bed with nothing more than a few scratches.  
  
"Ha! Whose the powder-puff now?!" Anzu panted, as she tried to sit up.  
  
"I wam…" Jounouchi barely uttered, as Yugi started to get flustered as to how he was going to reset his friend's jaw.  
  
"Good!" Anzu coughed, falling backwards onto Yugi's bed.  
  
"I can't leave you three alone for five seconds can I?" Honda sweat dropped, looking at the condition of Yugi's bedroom. To be frank, tornados had more compassion for the surroundings than those two did. "Oh yeah, and Bakura's here."  
  
Anzu looked up to see that indeed Bakura was standing behind Honda, but the first thing she noticed was his clothes. "Bakura-kun, why are you in your pajamas?"  
  
Bakura looked down and noticed his white and blue vertically striped pajamas for the first time since regaining consciousness. "Uh-" He was cut off by Jounouchi's scream of pain. Apparently Yugi managed to solve the puzzle of his best friend's jaw.  
  
"It hurts!" Jounouchi whined, clutching the bottom of his face.  
  
"I could always dislocate it for you, again if it bothers you this much." Anzu smirked, as Jounouchi howled in pain.  
  
"I don't need anymore favors from you!" Jounouchi sulked, as the pain seemed to numb somewhat.  
  
Yugi sweat dropped as he began to put back together his room and eventually noticed that the rain had stopped. "Hey guys, the rain stopped." He said, as he picked his metal desk lamp off the floor. Surprisingly enough they had failed to break it.  
  
"Yah-ow!" Jounouchi shouted, before grabbing his jaw again.   
  
"You moron…" Anzu sighed, finding the strength to sit up again.  
  
"Great let's go find something to do." Honda sighed as he started down the stairs once more, Jounouchi following close behind, and Anzu behind him. Yugi was about to follow as well, but was stopped by when Bakura tapped him on the shoulder.  
  
"Uh… Yugi-kun? Could I, perhaps, borrow some of your clothes? Heh…"  
  
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"Perfect." Kaiba grinned, as he rapidly began to type on his personal home computer, fingers flying all over it like I wanted his fingers to fly all over me. Hee… hee… hee… Oh right the story… Anyways! Placing his head set around his neck he began to instruct his enforcers as to what types of cards they were to obtain. He didn't care how they obtained them as long as they were in his possession before the deadline. A name quite appropriate for this mission's end, if it should end in failure.  
  
"I already know of a few cards and where I can get them, so I've already made this easier than you deserve. Are we clear?" Kaiba waited a few seconds for the usual answer, "Yes, Mr. Kaiba." And then disconnected and removed the head set from his computer.  
  
"That important to find a few measly cards, eh?" His computer added, he simply smirked.  
  
"I wouldn't expect you to understand the importance of this. If it's one thing I've learned over the last two years, it's that you and me are different in one important way."  
  
"Oh, really?" His computer responded, somewhat taken back. "And what would that be?"  
  
"As much as I try to deny it, I have a heart." And with that he shut down his computer and took his leave. He had cards to collect, after all. 


	2. Let's get Virtual!

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
November 22, 2003  
  
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A/n:  
  
Finally my own story… Oh yeah, and if I get any flames the flamer is going to burn in the flames with me… in hell. But luckily I've already managed to collect 4 reviews! Ha! In your face Hikari!   
  
  
  
(Kelly: *grumble* Show off…)   
  
Oh and why was Bakura in his P Js? You'll see why, eventually.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, so get off my back.  
  
(Kelly: Oh that was nice.)  
  
Silence you.  
  
- Yami no Kelly N.  
  
-(Kelly Noel)  
  
  
  
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"Yugi-kun?" Bakura started as the five made their way to the Domino Arcade, he shifted uncomfortably.  
  
  
  
"Yes, Bakura-kun?" Yugi responded, stretching his arms above his head and looking back at his friend.  
  
"Are you sure you didn't have anything other than this leather that I could wear?" Bakura was blushing furiously as he tried to cover the fact that he looked surprisingly sexy in Yugi's leather pants and leather tee. Of course it wouldn't look quite right without the proper accessories, so he had also acquired Yugi's bracelets, chains, buckles, and belts. Let's put it this way, my hikari would be suffering from a heart attack if she saw him.  
  
"Not in your size, at least. Besides I think you look good in my clothes." Yugi shrugged as Bakura sighed and tried to tie the jacket he'd also borrowed around his waist, but it kept slipping down.  
  
"Don't fret Bakura-kun." Anzu giggled as she watched his normally cool composure drain every time the jacket slipped below his ankles. "We're almost at the arcade, at least now, if she's there, you can show Miho your nice ass."  
  
Bakura stopped in his tracks as his face turned even redder than before, not noticing Honda's glare of death if he should come within three feet of "his" precious Ribbon-chan! "O-okay then! Nice seeing you guys again! Sayonara!" Jounouchi grabbed Bakura by his arm and dragged him the rest of the way to the arcade. After all, Bakura was the only one Jounouchi could bury in Pac man and he seriously needed a win today. Even "I" feel slightly bad for him, he got his butt kicked by Anzu!  
  
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Kaiba made his way to the arcade as well, as pathetic as this plot is, the heroes and the anti-villain need to meet eventually in this story or they're be no conflict. I guess my Hikari wasn't as stupid as I originally gave her credit for. So Kaiba, traveling in high style in his limo, began to finish adding the final touches to his diabolical plot, making sure that this time it would not blow up in his face like DeathT and Battle City.  
  
"I may have made some miscalculations in the past, but this time my plan is flawless." Kaiba smirked, strumming his fingers against his arm rest, anxious to put his plan into action. Of course when anyone says that you know it's a surefire warning that the plan is going to have flaws, and eventually fail miserably, but that's foreshadowing. Apparently I'm not supposed to do that. Whatever…  
  
Kaiba drew his attention from his "flawless plot" and looked outside his tinted windows to see a sight that shocked him. Yes, this sight was so freakishly abnormal, so rare, so out of the ordinary it had even gotten to the Great and Sexy Seto Kaiba!   
  
"Is that Bakura in leather?" Freakishly abnormal indeed!  
  
Kaiba shook the image away and concentrated on the others around Bakura; Yugi Motou, Jounouchi Katsuya, Honda Hiroto, and Anzu Mazaki. He blinked somewhat surprised at how remarkably well this worked into his plan. I'd blink too if I was stuck in a story as coincidental as this, plus I'd throw a couple of chairs at my Hikari… maybe a couch.  
  
"Perhaps obtaining the cards I need, won't be as difficult as I'd originally planned." Kaiba thought aloud, as the car slowly halted to a stop.  
  
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And so Yugi, Anzu, Honda, Jounouchi, and eventually Bakura went into the Domino Arcade with our great, brooding, bishie, Seto Kaiba, following inconspicuously soon after. Much to Honda's dismay and Bakura's relief Ribbon-chan was no where in sight, incase you Bakura fan girls, Osiris save your souls, were getting nervous, jealous, or hungry for carnage. Kaiba made his way to the virtual game pods in the very back of the arcade, clutching his briefcase ever so much tighter. Making sure that none knew he was back there, he began to rewire the pods and eventually hooked them up to his laptop, loading a computer file into each.  
  
Meanwhile, Jounouchi persuaded Bakura into Pac man, desperately in need of something to get rid of his bad mood, as Yugi, Honda, and Anzu battled each other in Anzu's favorite dancing game, now suited for more than two people.  
  
"My Ra! You suck at this Honda-kun!" Anzu laughed, as she twirled around, her feet gracefully hitting each beat. Yugi was having a hard time hitting each of the foot panels, due to his short leg size, but he was still fairing better than Honda who had fallen down at least seven times. Keywords: At least.  
  
"Shut up Anzu…" Honda growled, trying to regain his balance. Okay, so dancing wasn't his thing. I'd like to know what exactly his thing is, other than cheerleading, of course.   
  
Bakura was living up to his Pac man skills, much to Jounouchi's delight. Then again, the fact that Bakura was so neurotic about how tight his pants looked wasn't helping him much either, but still Bakura was pretty awful to begin with. Nothing compared to my Seto-kun…  
  
"I win again!" Jounouchi smirked, typing JOU into the high score section. His name filled the third spot, below the second top scorer KAI, who was below the top scorer YUG. Bakura didn't even make it into the top 100. The leather wearing albino sweat dropped and sighed heavily, he, like anyone else, never enjoyed losing, but it was just plain embarrassing to lose to Jounouchi with a score of 1,200 to 678,000,000. He looked over at the others only to see Honda flip over the dancing game's railing.  
  
"Okay I give up…" Honda groaned, as he lay sprawled out on the arcade's floor. Anzu finished her last dance move with sickening ease, while Yugi tried to hit the last foot panel with his abnormally short legs, before he toppled over himself.  
  
"Let's see who won!" Anzu shouted, as the scores came up on the giant screen. She blinked at what she saw and then rubbed her eyes and looked again. "How is that possible?" She gawked pointing at the screen, much to her dismay, Yugi had managed to beat her.  
  
"The heart of the dancing simulator guided me to victory!" Yugi said, matter of factly, as everyone fell over. "So now what would you guys like to play?" He asked, stretching his arms again. His smile was arrogant, no one could beat him at any game.  
  
"What about one of those virtual gamey thingies?" Jounouchi asked, picking himself off the floor.  
  
"Don't you remember the last time you did one of those?" Anzu asked, as Jounouchi racked his mind for the answer. We might be here for a while so I recommend a magazine and a small snack. Maybe some of that ramen stuff…  
  
"No…" Jounouchi shrugged, after a few minutes of thinking. Anzu buried her face in her hands. How could Jounouchi be so dense?  
  
"You almost got your body taken over by one of Big 5 you moron! And the time before that you almost lost what little mind you have to a virtual videogame!" Bakura blinked, apparently he had been left out of this, like so many other things. This including, but not limited to: the beginning of the Duelist Kingdom Arc, Virtual World #1, Dungeon Dice Monsters, most of Battle City, and Virtual World #2. He gets left out of much more in the future, but that's something you'll have to see for yourself.  
  
"Big 5? Virtual videogame? What are those?" Bakura asked, as he had been in the Shadow Realm while they had been gallivanting in virtual world. Gallivanting? What the hell kind of word is that? Who wrote this thing?  
  
"Oh it's uh… Nothing really important Bakura-kun! Heh…" Bakura raised an eyebrow at this answer, he could tell they were keeping things from him again. Anzu sweat dropped, feeling the urge to smack Jounouchi silly for even bringing up a virtual game.  
  
"So… you wouldn't mind if we played one then, right?" Bakura asked, folding his arms over his chest and looking somewhat ticked off at the rest of the group. The others looked at one another, unable to think of a good response as to why they shouldn't. "Good. Then let's go." Bakura smiled, grabbing Yugi's arm and pulling him towards the back where the virtual reality pods were located, and our favorite bishie Seto Kaiba. Who was just about finished with the beginning of his master plot.  
  
"Now all I have to do is get them into the pods, but given their pasts with virtual worlds, how?" No sooner than he had uttered the words, he caught glimpse of Yugi's hair coming towards him. His demonic smile appeared once more as he quickly disconnected his computer and stepped into one of the pods himself. "How easy this shall be…"  
  
"Bakura, are you sure you want to play this game?" Jounouchi asked, his knees buckling slightly. He finally remembered the horrors he'd suffered once before in this world, and he had no urge to experience them again. Bakura blinked, perhaps this wasn't the best way to get information out of his friends, but he really wanted to know what they were keeping from him. Desire ruled over logic.  
  
"Of course! Besides, Jounouchi-kun, you have an advantage over me. You've played in virtual games at least twice before, where as I didn't even know about them until now!" Jounouchi thought about this and realized that he could win again Bakura in yet another game, which was WAY more important than possibly losing his mind in a game. Supreme idiocy ruled over average idiocy.  
  
"Let's go!" Jounouchi shouted, now running to the pods. The five each took a seat and watched the glass cover slowly close over them. The weird feeling of their souls being ripped out from their bodies began and soon enough they were in the virtual reality. Unaware to them, Kaiba was already waiting for their arrival. 


	3. Vengence hurts

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
November 24, 2003  
  
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A/n:  
  
I'm just sooooo great, aren't I hikari?   
  
  
  
(Kelly: The authoress is supposed to be humble, kind, and generous to the readers. You've failed in each of those categories.)   
  
  
  
Tch… you're just jealous 'cause my story is better than all of yours.   
  
(Kelly: It's my story! All you're doing is narrating it! Badly, I might add!)   
  
JEALOUS!   
  
(Kelly: Why do I even bother… - -;)  
  
Yup, I'm just soooooooooooooooooo great! ^-^  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, but I do have the complete set of Kaiba brother plushies. Including the Mokuba plushie with kung-fu grip! Ha cha!   
  
(Kelly: She does not own that. It doesn't even exist.)  
  
J-E-A-L-O-U-S!  
  
(Kelly: ERG! *turns off mind link*)  
  
- Yami no Kelly N.  
  
-(Kelly Noel)  
  
  
  
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Recap:  
  
Bakura's in leather, Jounouchi's suffering through the after effects of a dislocated jaw, Anzu dislocated Jounouchi's jaw, Honda can't dance, and Yugi believes in the heart of the dancing simulator. And so our group of heroes and our perky heroine, (is it me or does it look like some type of drug?) descended into virtual world. Yay. Good for them. Now back to the sexy star of our story.  
  
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"After looking through each of their card database, they each have at least eight cards worthy of Mokuba." Kaiba said, as he watched over the five from a tree. "Except maybe Katsuya. His cards are just about as worthy as the dirt he rolls around in." He chuckled to himself, he'd have to use that one while taking the mutt's cards. Pulling out his pocket computer, which he designed himself for special use in virtual dimensions, he began to check the progress of his hired help through his ever so helpful computer. "Progress Report for Project 13."  
  
"With the way you treated me before? You're lucky if I didn't already delete the file." His computer responded, her savvy tone evident.  
  
"Ha. Like as if you'd have the nerve to delete the file." Kaiba snorted, as he switched over to manual. "I don't know why I gave you human qualities, it makes you that much more difficult to work with."   
  
"You gave me human qualities to remind you that you're also human. Although the way you've been acting lately may make one change their mind."  
  
"And what is THAT supposed to mean?" Kaiba retorted, noticing that very few cards had been acquired as he checked the database. Now if I worked at Kaiba Corp. I would have had all forty cards like that! Too bad he refused to hire me. He said I kept stalking him or something...  
  
"If you don't know by now, you never will." She sighed, as if the answer was obvious. Apparently not obvious enough for our saucy, sexy, super smarty: Seto! Try to say that one three time fast.  
  
"Evidently, it can't be very important if you refuse to give me a straight answer." He growled, sifting through the database once more to make sure that he had counted right. "I can't believe after all this time I've given them they've only found four cards!" He slammed his fist against the branch he was sitting upon thus resulting in a very nerve racking cracking sound.  
  
"Brace yourself." His computer taunted, overriding manual controls and immediately shutting down. He blinked, slightly confused. He turned to see that the branch he was situated on was slowly loosening itself from the trunk of the tree.  
  
"God damn it!" Kaiba shouted as the branch finally gave way, crashing down to the ground.  
  
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"Do you hear something?" Yugi asked, looking around him. They stood in a spacious forest with many wide pathways to choose from. Red, white and dark purple flowers swayed In a virtual breeze as the grasses swayed along with them. The sun shine warmed their faces as they each looked up to where Yugi had thought he'd heard the mysterious yelling. "It sounds kinda familiar." The rest of the group shrugged.  
  
"You must be hallucinating Yug'. I don't here a thing. 'Cept maybe Bakura..." And so the rest of the group turned to where Bakura was now sitting, fascinated with how real a virtual tree looked.  
  
"It's like it's real!" Bakura gasped, easily amazed. The others sweat dropped, they were all used to this virtual nonsense and had no interest in a stupid tree.  
  
"-damn it!"   
  
"…" Jounouchi blinked. Okay, now he heard something. "Anyone else hear that?" Jounouchi asked, as both Anzu and Tristan nodded.  
  
"It sounded like it came from over-"   
  
"Eee!" Bakura screeched as a large blue trench coat landed on top of him. HA! Oh… uh… I mean poor Bakura-kun. Heh, heh, heh…  
  
  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
Now I feel it necessary to introduce the real antagonist of our story, seeing as none of this story would be possible without him. Besides he's just so darn cute! And if you tell anyone I said that you will suffer through an incredibly painful death at the kung fu action hands of my Mokuba plushie. Ha cha!  
  
He laid on his brother's large, king sized bed merely staring aimlessly at the bland, white ceiling. His gray eyes seemed to blend into the dullness of the moment as he sighed in his melodramatic manner. Obviously the poor child was depressed, despite the bright sun that now shined on this nice July day. Despite his ability to do whatever he wanted. Poor Mokuba Kaiba laid on his brother's bed as the ceiling began to blend with the rest of his dull, boring life.  
  
Everyone was so busy lately, especially his brother. They had no time for him despite the fact that his birthday was only days away. His friends… or rather his brother's friends, were all busy with their own summer plans, where he, of course, was not included in a single one. He furrowed his brow, obviously aggravated with something. Or someone.  
  
"He promised…" He pouted, as he sat up, and looked at his locket in the shape of a duel monster card. He flipped the cover up to see half a picture with young ten year old Seto smiling as he played chess. "He always breaks his promises." Mokuba sniffled, clutching the picture tightly as a few tears dripped down. "Excuses… lies… I HATE YOU!" Mokuba cried, as he finally threw the locket at the wall, thus causing the glass casing to shatter and his brother's picture to gently flutter to the floor. He turned and threw himself back into the thick mattress, trying to suffocate the cries that would have echoed through-out the practically empty Kaiba Mansion.  
  
Don't you just feel so depressed? Here have a plushie.  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~   
  
"Are they dead?" Jounouchi asked, as he poked Seto in the ribs with a rather large and pointed stick.  
  
"No, there're still breathing. Or at least Kaiba is…" Honda responded as Anzu grabbed the stick Jounouchi was using to assault Seto with and smacked him over the head with it.  
  
"Stop mutilating his body." Anzu said as she continued to beat him over the head with the stick.  
  
"OW!" And so another brawl began… I am currently taking bets if anyone is in need of a bookie.  
  
"What?!" Yugi shouted, as Honda continued his scrutiny of the two bodies in question.   
  
"No, wait never mind." He coughed, sweat dropping.  
  
"Never mind what?!" Yugi asked, now confused if Bakura was breathing as well as Kaiba or if Kaiba wasn't breathing as well as Bakura.  
  
"What?" Honda asked, confused.  
  
"Never mind what?" Yugi repeated, somewhat calmer so Honda could clearly understand him.  
  
"Wait… what was the question?"  
  
"OW MY EYE! ANZU!"  
  
If you hadn't yet realized, we're back in virtual world. The stupidity of this conversation would have given it away easily… what did they accomplish out of that anyway? As Anzu and Jounouchi were mindlessly rolling around on the ground wrestling, (one of the many times I'm thankful this isn't animated…) Jounouchi's stick flew from Anzu's hand and smacked my precious bishie, Seto-kun, in the nose, causing him to jerk awake.  
  
"Well," He stared as he looked around to see Yugi and Honda arguing while Anzu and Jounouchi beat the crap out of one another, "this screws up my plans…" He groaned as he rubbed his head. Apparently Bakura's body wasn't a very soft landing spot after all. He looked beside him to see the sacrificial "albino" stir slightly, "Well, at least I won't be charged with murder."  
  
"Kaiba! You live!" Yugi shouted, directly into Seto's ear, unfortunately. Of course when you fall from a five story tree and make a very uncomfortable landing, something's got to hurt. In Seto's case it was his head. Clutching his head out of a mind crushing headache he winced as Yugi continued to shout out of joy, as Bakura got up as well. "Bakura lives too! YAY!" Incase you're wondering, Bakura was suffering from abdominal pain from when Kaiba brutally crushed him from a five story fall. Now normally one of them would be dead, but I can't suffer through any of THOSE kind of flames, complaining about their poor dead favorite character. So when he sat up he ended up blacking out from the pain, thus collapsing to the ground again.  
  
"Agh! He's dead! … AGAIN!" Releasing one hand from the tight grasp of his cranium, Kaiba quickly grabbed Yugi by the collar of his shirt and pulled his face close to his own. Yugi could smell Kaiba's minty tooth pasty breath and Kaiba could smell Yugi's Dorito-y breath in return. The combination is quite nauseating, actually.  
  
"If you shout like that once more I'm going to take your puzzle and smash it over that spiky little head of yours. Got it?" He growled, his sapphire eyes glaring at Yugi menacingly. Yugi gulped as a reply. "Good." Kaiba finished, chucking Yugi a good few feet as he released his grip and staggered to his feet… only to rammed into by Jounouchi and Anzu who were still beating the crap out of one another.  
  
"Take that Jounouchi!" Anzu laughed, to the point of making both Yugi and Honda shiver. It was one of those sadistic laughs, the kind that makes your blood run cold and you're brains fail to function correctly, because you're just THAT terrified. Mind numbing… I'm used to it by now, Kelly laughs like that when she updates her fan fiction.  
  
"Get- off- me!" Kaiba shouted, kicking both Anzu and Jounouchi off him, they both rolled off into separate directions in odd, unholy positions. "Why did I decide to do this again?" He whimpered, as he wished he was home in his bed, visions of Mokuba danced in his head. "Oh yeah…" It was then that Honda finally took an incentive.  
  
"Look you two, you'd better start to talk out your problems or I'm turning this car around!"  
  
"Honda... we aren't in a car." Yugi corrected, as he tried to help Bakura regain consciousness. To little avail. For as soon as he sat up the pain would worsen and Bakura would fall back on the ground, possibly resulting in multiple concussions, if we're lucky.  
  
"Oh… right. But you'd better talk out your problems, anyway!"  
  
Anzu looked at Jounouchi and Jounouchi looked at Anzu, glaring at one another viciously. "Alright then." Jounouchi started, racking his mind for every insult he knew. "I'll start." Anzu smirked, she knew what was coming. Another lame attempt to get her riled with his half rate kindergartener insults. "Anzu," he paused this had to begin better than that. "You," he began again with now a venous flare to his voice. "Are a knobby kneed, dancing inbred ape who is barely posing as a human being, let alone a girl, who should be shot, hung, and tortured by rabid rodents while being dangled over a boiling pit of hot lava, and forced to listen to all and every friendship speech that has ever crossed your lips." He stopped once more as he racked his mind for a perfect ending. Quickly he went fishing through all his dates ending with a slap on the face and every teen soap opera he'd ever watched. It was then his hook snagged the catch of the day. "And," He added, dangling thousands of my readers over a large cliff, "You're FAT." He smiled triumphantly, he had finally won.  
  
Anzu gasped, horrified at the words that spewed form the moron's mouth. Such an insult should never be thought of, let alone heard, and he had gone and said it! Such an insult even caused Bakura to wake from his fifth black out and gasp out of sheer horror with the rest of the gang. Even Kaiba was astounded at what the mutt had managed to utter. The animal! But still Jounouchi stood, smiling proudly at his feat, his eyes burning with an unknown and intangible power. He seemed to be snickering the words, "Beat THAT," as Anzu tried not to burst into tears. She did indeed feel the need to beat something, more specifically Jounouchi's brain dead head, along with other more delicate lower extremities of his anatomy. Her mouth parted slightly and closed and then parted and closed, she was doing an excellent job of resembling a stranded fish. She raised her hand and pointed her index finger at Jounouchi, this reaction had beaten her to an actual retort. She wordlessly mouthed unknown and unheard curses, her face turning a rainbow of colors; blues, purples, and brilliant reds. Seeing this going on, Honda had the unexplainable and completely inappropriate urge to find an egg timer. Perhaps to see how long Anzu could keep that face with out exploding.  
  
Finally, Anzu managed to regain her ability to speak and that ability would ground Jounouchi into the dirt. "Jounouchi Katsuya," She hissed, the sound of her snakelike tone caused all to take one step back and prepare to flee. Jounouchi's face paled, dear god what had he done? "You are a horrible excuse for a human being," she started, her insult resembling that of Jounouchi's except with more hissing and less rambling. "and…" She hissed again causing Jounouchi to enter a state of trembling, her voice was like a snakes venom slowly and painfully injecting the poison through his blood stream before striking his heart. "I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU ANYMORE!" She screeched the final word into his ear, and consequently Honda's as well, turned on the heel of her go-go boots and started fixedly at the virtual sky. Jounouchi stood dumbfounded as the rest of the group stared in awe. Even TV wasn't this entertaining!  
  
They all remained speechless as minutes seemed to drag on like hours, until something broke the seemingly endless tension that lingered over the area like the odor of a dead squid left to rot on the doorstep on a hot summer's day. "Hey," Bakura began, as everyone slowly turned their heads towards him. "What's this?" Bakura asked, holding up a tiny sprite like creature, it's chibi cuteness evident.  
  
"Hey, it's another one of those fairy thingies." Yugi pointed out, remembering his first experience in virtual world with Princess Adenia and Eru, her pixie companion. He missed Eru, she would have made a good pet. At least she would respond to when he called her name, unlike a certain turtle-like mascot he was forced to take care of everyday. "Damn you and your bacteria ridden shell!" He shouted out loud, as the rest of the group blinked.  
  
"Oooooh! She's sooooo cute!" Anzu squealed, as she ran over to Bakura' protruding hand and pampered the pixie deservingly. Jounouchi rolled his eyes, what did Yugi see in her anyway?  
  
"Stop fondling the damn thing and maybe it will show us our game mission." Jounouchi growled as Anzu's eyes narrowed into tiny slits, her snake like tone returning.  
  
"Yugi," She began causing the midget to jump at least 6 ft. "Tell The Moron, as that is what I shall address him as from this day forward, that I shall do what ever I please and that he, since he has no brain, should mind his own damned business." Her eyes returned to normal as she went back to cuddling the cute little sprite, much to the dismay of all women-kind.  
  
"Jounouchi," Yugi started, "Anzu wants you to know that-"  
  
"I get the picture!" Jounouchi shouted, as Yugi's face fell in disappointment and then quickly darkened.  
  
"Don't shoot the messenger." He growled, taking the fairy from Anzu and allowing it to get on with it's original purpose, to help them with the game. It smiled, despite it's disappointment of not being able to be pampered longer and plots of slaughtering the short spiky haired one that ran through its mind, and motioned for them to follow her.  
  
"Let's go!" Bakura shouted, somewhat recovered from his body crushing experience, as he shot up and ran after the cute little guide. Jounouchi, Honda and Anzu ran after him to make sure he didn't hurt himself again as Yugi and Kaiba hung back. The looked at one another as they remained speechless.  
  
"So… Kaiba-kun… what brings you to virtual world?"  
  
"Business." Kaiba sighed, as he watched his elaborate plot crumble to pieces. Why was it THIS hard to get anything done? Then a better question popped into his head. Why was it ALWAYS this hard to get anything done? 


	4. A Royal Missunderstanding

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
November 24, 2003  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
A/n:  
  
Mmmm… cookies…  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, but I like cookies. Send me cookies. With chocolate chips. Mmmm…  
  
(Kelly: - -; I plead the fifth.)  
  
- Yami no Kelly N.  
  
-(Kelly Noel)  
  
  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
Recap:  
  
Bakura's chasing a game sprite, Jounouchi's being shunned, Anzu shunned Jounouchi, Honda can't dance or mediate a fight for his life, and Yugi is being plotted against by a chibi game sprite. Not to mention Seto is suffering from a major headache along with the agonizing effects of his master plan crumbling within seconds. Fun 'ne?  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"…"  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"… No."  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Are we th-"  
  
  
  
"ANZU! IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Seto shouted, this had gone on for hours now as they aimlessly followed the fairy and his head ache was worsening.  
  
"Well, sorry!" Anzu growled, her attention shifted from Kaiba to Jounouchi who was trying to hold back his snickering. Her eyes narrowed back into their freakishly abnormal slits as her glare burned a hole into the back of his jacket. S'mores anyone?  
  
"Ow! Cut it out Anzu!" Jounouchi yelled, taking his now smoldering coat and throwing it on the ground. "You ruined my best jacket!" He shouted as she merely ignored him.  
  
"Yugi, please tell The Moron that if that was his best jacket I'd hate to see his worst."  
  
"Shut up, Anzu!"  
  
"Hey look!" Honda shouted, pointing to the ground below them. "A castle!" The group crowed around the ledge of the cliff and it was then the fairy took her plot and put it to use. Backing up she quickly tried to get enough momentum so she could knock the midget right over the edge! No one ever suspects the game sprite! But despite Yugi's small frame, hers was still smaller and she barely moved him a millimeter.  
  
"Curse you spiky one…" She squeaked quietly to herself, as she went back to plotting her evil plots and returned to Bakura's shoulder. She'd taken an odd liking to him for some unknown reason. He smiled and petted her accordingly before returning back to the group, who was deciding their next course of action.  
  
"Let's go down and see." Jounouchi added, as Anzu rolled her eyes.  
  
"Yugi, please ask The Moron how are we going to get down? Even he must have realized that this cliff is far more than a 20 story drop and our bodies would be blood covered pancakes on the ground should we fall, per se."  
  
"Who you calling a per se?!"  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
Elsewhere, a young teenager hopped off his motorcycle and ran into his house that was located inconveniently underground. In his abnormally tan, abnormal because he lived underground a majority of his life, hands he held a plastic bag and within that bag there was a brown paper bag as the two can never go anywhere with out one another. It's an unwritten law, like only being able to find one of two socks when your late for school. Nonetheless, within that bag still, there rested a small box and within the box another box and another and another and another until it became known that something other than a box was layered with a thick sheet of bubble wrap. Underneath that layer of bubble wrap sat the most wondrous thing… a compact disk.  
  
"Wow… look at how it shines, Rishid." Malik said as he took it out of it's case and gently waved it around the room, reflecting the light from the burning torches that decorated the halls.  
  
"Aren't you going to put it in the computer Malik-sama?" Rishid asked, as he watched Malik's eyes light up as the CD continued to shine.  
  
"Why? Then I can't see the lovely rainbow of colors it's giving off- hey I can see my face in it!"  
  
"Because Malik-sama, that was the purpose of buying the disk, so you can put it in the computer." Rishid pointed out while pointing to the computer setup in the corner of Malik's room.  
  
"What I'd like to know is how you managed to hook up a computer in an underground tomb with no electrical accommodations or internet capabilities." Malik noted as he tried to manipulate the shape of his face in the back of the CD by shifting it around in his hands.  
  
"Malik-sama don't toy with the unseen forces, a higher being obviously gave us the computer so you could use that disk in the proper way it was meant to be used." Rishid was obviously curious as to what a computer disk did.  
  
"A higher being? You mean the gods?!" Malik asked, somewhat astounded that his computer was really technology from a higher being.  
  
"Uh… Yes! The gods! You wouldn't want to disappoint them now would you?"  
  
"So now I must choose between seeing my face in a rainbow of colors or saving my soul from the wrath of Ra… this is hard can I have a few minutes to think about it?"  
  
"Malik-sama give me the disk."  
  
"But-"  
  
  
  
"Give me the damn disk!"  
  
"Eep!"  
  
  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
After Honda and Yugi cleared Jounouchi with the fact that "per se" was just another way of saying "as such" or "for itself," Seto located a broken bridge that could be used as a ladder to get down.  
  
"If you want to die in the first level of this game then follow Jounouchi, however if you cherish your pathetic lives, follow me." And with that he took his first step down.  
  
"Shut up Kaiba!" Jounouchi snarled, following him not because he doubted his own leadership skills, but because he wanted to beat the crap out of the annoying brat when the hit bottom. Hopefully not landing as a, "blood covered pancake," as Anzu put it best.  
  
It was then Anzu pulled out three blindfolds, as Yugi was about to follow Jounouchi down. "Nah un!" She started, grabbing him by the back of the shirt and pulling him backwards.  
  
"What's wrong Anzu?" Yugi asked, as she dangled the blind folds in front of his Bakura's and Honda's faces.  
  
"Oh no… not this again." Honda moaned as Bakura sweat dropped. Yugi looked around confused.  
  
"As you well know I am wearing a mini skirt. This skirt, when viewed in the right direction, can and will reveal my under garments-" A shout from below cut her off.  
  
"Yugi's already seen your freaking Hello Kitty underwear!" Jounouchi commented, sure Anzu said she wouldn't talk to him, but he never said he wasn't gonna torment her. Anzu blinked, speechless.  
  
"When did that happen?" Anzu managed to ask nicely, as her embarrassment and rage tried to break through her calm exterior.  
  
"Uh…earlier…" Yugi barely whispered, as his face turned a brighter red. Jounouchi had planted the image once more in his head and the nose bleed started once more. Honda sweat dropped and gave Yugi his already bloody handkerchief again. Why he took it back is beyond me, it's kinda gross now that I think about it. Ew…  
  
"Anyway," Anzu continued as she tried to get her hand to stop shaking out of anger. "To prevent this from happening again you will be required to wear these as you will want me to go last incase I fall off so one of you can catch me." They each looked at one another, sure, she made sense. Anzu often did.  
  
"But how are we supposed to catch you if we're wearing the blindfolds?" Bakura asked, not really out of concern for Anzu, but also for himself. He hated heights and hated heights with blindfolds even more.  
  
"Besides the point." Anzu said ignoring the reasonable question.  
  
"But I don't want to wear the blindfold. Especially when climbing down a 20 story cliff, on a broken bridge." Anzu furrowed her brow, and stamped her foot on the ground.  
  
"Friendship demands it!" Bakura sighed as all three males dawned the eye gear and started down the broken bridge, Anzu following them from behind.  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~   
  
"Now what?" Malik asked, pouty that he could no longer look at himself in the reflection of the CD.  
  
"I don't know, Malik-sama. I've never actually used a computer before." Rishid answered, scratching his head. He'd managed to set it up no problem, but he had no clue as to how to turn it on.  
  
"Maybe the gods left us an instruction manual or something. Ah, here it is!" Malik shouted, picking up a rather thick book and flipped through the pages. The book was decorated with many different images of computer parts and other such things related to the usage of the computer, but there was only one problem, "Oh no!" Malik exclaimed as he flipped from back to front, front to back. Rishid blinked.  
  
"What's wrong Malik-sama?"  
  
"It's- It's- It's in CHINESE!" And so another unwritten law was discovered, you will always purchase the one item with the directions in the wrong language. Most frequently Chinese or Spanish. Occasionally French.  
  
"Looks like we'll have to go to plan B." Rishid, sighed grabbing the instruction manual and Malik by the hand.  
  
"You mean…"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Aw man! I don't wanna ask Isis for help! Besides she'll just get all ticked that we got a computer and we didn't tell her."  
  
"She won't be too angry." Rishid comforted, as they traveled the multiple halls to get to Isis' room.  
  
"Wanna bet?"  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~   
  
"Honda! That's not the bridge, that's my leg!"  
  
"I… know…"  
  
"O-okay then…"  
  
When we left off our heroes, heroine, anti-villain, and game sprite had finally managed to get down the ledge, not in bloody pancake form, mind you. However, they had to suffer through a few splinters, Jounouchi's bickering with Seto-kun, and Bakura's shrill shrieks of fear of heights (or it could have been because he thought Honda was groping his leg) while climbing down. Yeah, it's a real fun time in virtual world!  
  
  
  
"We have successfully made it down!" Jounouchi shouted, fingering a peace sign and giving a cheesy grin.  
  
"Ground! Oh how I missed you!" Bakura shouted hugging a random patch of grass and a couple of flowers as well. However, Honda did not seemed overjoyed with the current situation. Sure! They'd made it down the ledge okay but a worse problem stood before them. A large problem. A large problem with scary sharp pitchforks and burning torches. And it was very very angry…  
  
"Uh… Guys… I don't think the worst of our problems are over yet…" Honda coughed, pointing at the large angry mob the group had managed to miss upon arrival.  
  
"Who are you?" The leader of the group asked, pointing a pitch fork at Jounouchi, who was incidentally closest.  
  
"Uh… Don't worry, man! We're the good guys!" Jounouchi coaxed, throwing his hands up in the air as the pitch fork drew closer to his chest.  
  
"Then why have you taken our princess?" The villager asked, eyeing someone in the back of the group.  
  
"Princess? What Princess?" Jounouchi asked, looking around.  
  
"Don't play dumb with me you stupid thief!" Jounouchi cringed as the villager jutted the pitch fork millimeters from his abdomen.  
  
"I doubt he's playing." Kaiba coughed as Jounouchi shot him a glare.  
  
"Excuse me, if I may," Yugi started, stepping between the sharp weapon and his Best friend. "What my friend means to say is that we're new to this part of your land and have no idea who your referring to when you say princess. If you could please explain it might help us solve our differences in a non violent manner."  
  
"She is our princess!" The villager shouted as if it was obvious, he pointed towards Anzu who blushed madly as her eyes sparkled.  
  
"ME?! You mean it?!" She confirmed, of course she was the only girl in this virtual game, unless Mai or even Shizuka had decided to make an unscheduled visit…  
  
"No. The one right BEHIND you." The villager corrected as Anzu pouted and turned around expecting Mai in another sluttish outfit. She blinked. No female was behind her, and the rest of the group checked as well to make sure.   
  
"There… is no one else behind me." Anzu pointed out, as the villagers blinked at the group's general blindness and stupidity.  
  
"Right here!" He said, as he pushed Anzu aside, grabbed Bakura's arm, and pulled him off the ground. "Princess Kisara!"  
  
"WHAT?!" 


	5. Squirrels, THEY, and Corsets

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
November 24, 2003  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
A/n:  
  
^____________________________^  
  
(Kelly: That's right, you! Stay silent and maybe the fan girls won't condemn you death.)  
  
Oh you're just pissed cause I changed the story around a tiny bit.  
  
(Kelly: A TINY BIT?! You made Bakura-kun into a freaking princess, called Anzu fat, made the lovable pure game sprite a vengeful murderer, turned Yugi into an anemic HENTAI**, hinted that Honda was BI*, and you repeatedly made fun of Jounouchi! WHAT DO YOU MEAN A TINY BIT?!)  
  
I kept that depressing part with Mokuba in. You owed me.  
  
(Kelly: AGH! *bangs head against soul room wall*)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, and my Hikari don't own her sanity. ^___^  
  
(Kelly: *stops* At one point in life I did… Then I invented you. *bangs head against soul room wall again* STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!)  
  
I'm so well loved! ^-^  
  
- Yami no Kelly N.  
  
-(Kelly Noel)  
  
*Please Note: I have nothing against Bi's Lesbians, or Gays. Personally, I think one is entitled to love whomever they want despite gender. So if I have offended you in any way please accept my up most and honest apology now. This is a humor story, after all and I make fun of just about everything. Especially myself. ^-^ Remember, "To be able to laugh at someone else, you must first be able to laugh at yourself," whether real or not.  
  
**Me Being Immature: HENTAIS ARE GROSS! EWWWW!  
  
  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
Recap:  
  
Kaiba's about to snap, Yugi's suffering from another nosebleed, Honda might be Bi, Jounouchi's being threatened by a large and pointy pitchfork, Anzu is still not talking to "The Moron", Mokuba's still depressed, Malik and Rishid can't turn their computer on, Bakura is being mistaken for a beautiful and kind princess, and Pegasus loves cheese! What? Don't you like cheese?  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
"What?!" Bakura shouted, somewhat outraged that he had once again been mistaken as a female. Didn't these people know about Project RING? The organization bent on proving that Bakura was indeed all male?! You should all join them and their mission. Now that advertising is done, back to the story. "I'm not a prin-" Bakura was silenced by Jounouchi's hand, which flew over the white haired boy's mouth.  
  
"What SHE means to say is that we found HER and bravely risked our necks to save HER! And SHE would like graciously reward us within the walls of HER own home!" Bakura flailed around, like a fish out of water, as Jounouchi continued to spew lies out about his gender. Seeing Honda draw closer to the two, Bakura relaxed a bit. He wouldn't let Jounouchi continue this lie!  
  
"Yes, that's exactly what happened, right PRINCESS?" And with that Honda shoved his hand over Bakura's mouth. Bakura looked at Honda in disbelief and silently thought of the most disturbing and vicious swear words to ever cross one's mind.  
  
"Well, if that's the case…" The villager started, lowering his pitchfork and the others behind him followed, "Then we welcome you! Come we'll take you to Lady Kisara's palace!"  
  
"ERG!" Bakura's muffled growls went unnoticed as a chariot to transport the "princess" was called.   
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
"I… don't… remember… Isis'… room… being… this… far… away… before…" Malik panted, still nowhere near Isis or her computer savvy.  
  
"Well, it's been a while since we've been down here. At least five years." Rishid pointed out as he looked a piece of paper, apparently using it to get around the underground maze of halls and sacred rooms.  
  
"What's that?" Malik asked, pointing at the paper Rishid was using to navigate with.  
  
"A map I made when I was younger." Rishid said, as he proudly showed off his handiwork to his master. Malik sweat dropped.  
  
"Rishid, that's a square with a bunch of different colored squiggly lines."  
  
"But Malik-sama! The crayons I used were from Osiris himself!" Rishid noted as Malik straightened up.  
  
"Onward then!"  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
"I despise you." Bakura said in his most venomous voice, sounding more like a frolicking emu than a vicious snake. What does a frolicking emu sound like? I don't know, but when I see an emu frolic I'll be sure to let you know! Only his silhouette was visible from behind the draw string curtain of the princess' carriage.  
  
"Oh come on Bakura-kun!" Jounouchi pleaded, not wanting anyone else to shun him. He and the rest of the group, along with Kaiba, walked along side the carriage as they took the short trip to the castle. "Just think of it as your role in the game! The quicker you play your part the faster the game ends!"  
  
"You never told me I'd have to play as a girl!" Bakura hissed, as Jounouchi sweat dropped.  
  
"Mokuba didn't mind it." The blonde pointed out as Kaiba sweat dropped slightly. Sure, Mokuba had rescued him with that maneuver, but he never did look at Mokuba the same way again… Then again he probably shouldn't have made virtual Mokuba into a girl to begin with… Oh well!  
  
"Well, I'm not Mokuba!" Bakura argued, his normal nice demeanor was diminishing as the strain of being a different gender and role playing as a princess was working it's way into his head.  
  
"Will you two idiots stop your bickering?" Kaiba growled, his head ache continued to grow as he cursed himself out for not inventing virtual aspirin. "Bakura, shut your mouth and take it like a man."  
  
"That's the problem!" Bakura shouted, before biting his tongue. He could now feel Kaiba's cold icy stare through the curtain, freezing his ability to talk along with his ability to function. He pouted slightly, threw his back into the seat, and succumbed to his fate.  
  
  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~   
  
"Ah ha! Isis' room!" Rishid shouted, beaming.  
  
"Wow. The map actually worked." Malik blinked, wondering if Rishid had anymore of these magic crayons. They might help with his next brilliant scheme to become Pharaoh. "Heh heh." Malik quickly peeked into her room, his head full of villainous thoughts rather than the one rule men should always follow when venturing into a women's room: Knock first.  
  
"Isis-" Malik stopped, gasping in horror.  
  
"Malik?! It's- It's not what it looks like! I swear!" Isis shouted throwing something behind her, quickly, as Malik stood there dumbfounded, eyes wide.  
  
"You animal!!" Malik screeched, pointing his finger at her dramatically and then taking off.  
  
"Malik!" She shouted from behind him, as Rishid blinked confused.  
  
"What happened Isis-sama?" He asked, watching Malik storm off, furious and upset.  
  
"I was merely adjusting a present he gave me last year for Christmas." She said innocently, wide blue eyes trying to work their way into Rishid's conscious.   
  
"You really shouldn't fix the sweaters he knits you. It hurts his feelings." Rishid stated, despite Isis' cute act.  
  
"But one arm was longer than the other and pink is such an ugly color on me." She defended, feeling slightly guilty.  
  
"Well I know a way you can make it up to him."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~   
  
"It would appear that some kind of plot is brewing." An ominous figure with a glass in hand sat in his custom made throne, his silver hair glistening from a setting sun. "A plot that once again I was left out of." He stood, swirling the thick red liquid in his glass around gently before taking another sip of his "fruit juice." His face darkened as a frown crossed his lips, the figure was rather upset at this development. He'd been an unimportant figure ever since his first defeat and the lack of attention was working on his nerves. He glanced out over the wide sea that surrounded his island as the sun continued sink beneath it, settling under the horizon. He sighed sadly as he took another sip and continued to watch the sky darken. Glancing at his watch, his eyes lit up as a wide grin crossed his face. "Yay! My 7:00 p.m. meeting is on!" And with that the 23 year old male ran to his chair again and clapped his hands, causing the lights to flip on along with his large screen TV.  
  
"Welcome to the Funny Bunny 24 hour marathon!" The TV blasted, as the young man brushed some of the hair from his face, revealing a gold eye patch. His smile widened as he clasped his hands together with joy. Okay, so maybe being left out of this story was a good thing, he thought as he took a bite of a cracker with some gorgonzola cheese on it.  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
  
  
It's safe to say that Bakura-kun was not happy as he entered the castle and was dragged off by at least twenty women to "redress him" into "proper clothes."  
  
"Somebody help me…" Bakura whimpered, as the women dragged the poor boy off, giddily laughing at his current apparel. Bakura Ryou fan girl members memories began to haunt him again as he thought back to his first day at Domino High School, following him around the school and fighting over him like he was a brand new toy. "Please?" He sniveled, causing all my readers to cry and the game sprite to comfort him at his shoulder.  
  
"Maybe I should have been the princess…" Jounouchi commented as he "checked out" each of women before being sharply smacked by Anzu. "Oof!" Jounouchi coughed as he rubbed his cheek gingerly. "Anzu!"  
  
"I'll go help Baku- I mean-Kisara." She cheerfully stated (as if she'd done nothing wrong), following to make sure his cover wasn't blown.  
  
"Son of a b-" Jounouchi started, before he caught Anzu's glare of death from down the hall way, "beautiful woman?" He quickly covered as Anzu disappeared around a corner.  
  
"It's wonder why she hasn't shot you yet Inu-Jounouchi." Kaiba chuckled, taking a seat at the lavish table set before them.  
  
  
  
"What did you call me?!" The blonde shouted, fists in the air waiting to lay one right on Seto's perfect, handsome face. Not like THAT would EVER happen. Seto-kun is way to great and gorgeous to be taken down by a lowly mutt. If the word mutt offends you, the Jounouchi fan girls, please delete mutt and insert any of the words in this list: dog, half-breed, filthy animal, puppy, mutt-face, doggy, Inu-Jounouchi, canine, Fido, mongrel, rabid beast, or gluttonous dog. Also please refrain from throwing random objects at the sexy and outrageously handsome Anti-villain. Throw them at Kelly.  
  
"Inu-Jounouchi." Kaiba repeated innocently, taking out his pen pilot and checking on his employs progress. Too bad there was none. "Damn it…" he growled under his breath, ignoring the multiple insults the puppy was spewing out at him.  
  
"-and your mother was a hamster!" The blonde finished as Yugi buried his face in his hands, while Honda tried to suppress his own laughing at Jounouchi's failed attempts to rattle Kaiba's cage. Seto merely blinked as a response, not feeling the need to waste his energy with such stupidity, Mokuba was far more important.  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
Speaking of the sweet pre-teen, Mokuba began to feel slightly guilty as he thought about how he'd smashed the only picture he had of Seto smiling, non anti-villain-ish. He walked over to the broken picture frame, glass and all, and picked up the photo. He starred at it for a while, wondering why Seto couldn't have just stayed a nice older brother that had time for him. Sighing sadly, he chucked the picture onto Seto's bed, it landed white side up. It was then he noticed something. Writing on the back of the picture.  
  
"What the?" Mokuba started, glancing at the letters and numbers making up some kind of code on the back of the photo. "N13641O9472A09663H76508." He said, blinking as he scanned the bottom and found directions as how to use the code in a neat script text, resembling that of his brothers. Mokuba flipped the photo back and forth wondering if this was Seto's work or another's. "Well, what do I have to lose? Doubt Seto would care anyhow." He added sarcastically, taking on the role of a true teenager by ignoring his disciplinary figure. Yay Moky! Welcome to the inner circle! So with his new teenaged attitude in full throttle, he began looking at the first step. " First, gain access to the Kaiba Mainframe Central Processing Unit (KMCPU)." He read, thinking of how he could break into Seto's computer system. He fell backwards onto the bed. "Well, that plan was short lived. There's no possible way to break into Seto's-" He stopped as something on the ceiling caught his eye. "-computer room." He barely finished as a smile crept upon his young face. "Then again nothing's ever that impossible." And with that he climbed up the bed post, unscrewed the screws which held the cover fast to a ventilation duct, and eventually managed to slip into the ventilation system.  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
"Shizuka?" A Kaiba mansion maid asked, as she looked up at the ceiling.  
  
"Yes?" Jounouchi's sister responded, in her new Kaiba Mansion maid uniform. She smiled cheerfully, gathering up her pink feather duster and walking over to her co-worker in her high heels. She'd recently taken the job at the mansion so she could save up enough money to buy her brother a nice Christmas present, despite we are currently in the middle of the month of July. Or at least that's the setting of the story. If you ask me there's something Kaiba's mansion she's after and it isn't just the money…But that's not important! What is important is that Shizuka works for Kaiba in tight, French clothing! (Please ignore me while I throw now a tantrum,) DAMN YOU SHIZUKA! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! (Thank you.)  
  
"Do you hear that banging sound?" The other maid asked, brushing her blonde hair from her face as she continued to look up.  
  
"Yeah." Shizuka responded, adjusting her low v-neck dress as she also looked up at the ceiling, banging sounds growing louder.  
  
"What do you think it is?"  
  
"Squirrels." Shizuka responded, her left eye twitching slightly as she spoke the word "squirrels."  
  
"Squirrels?" The other maid asked, watching her co-worker's left eye twitch again.  
  
"Yes. Squirrels." Shizuka repeated, twitching. "Sounds like the rodent's in the ventilation system."  
  
"How'd it get in there? Don't the infer-red scanners/lasers stationed outside the mansion take care of those kind of things?"  
  
"Ah! But that's where you're wrong! Those scanners/lasers may fry all those regular rodents; like mice, possums, and rats, but squirrels are different! They're craftier, smarter, and more potent than the average rodent…" Shizuka responded, eye twitching all the while. "We got to get it out of that ventilation system! If It gets hold of all that secret information Kaiba's working on it could mean the end of the world as human-kind knows it!"  
  
"But it's just a squirrel!" The other maid defended, as she watched Shizuka tie a screw driver onto a broom stick, in an attempt to unscrew a ventilation cover, left eye twitching dangerously.  
  
"That's just what THEY want you to think." Shizuka whispered, as the maid blinked, lost in all the insanity.  
  
"Who is THEY?"  
  
"Shush!" Shizuka hushed, shoving her hand over the other maid's mouth.. (Please Note: I accidentally originally wrote that Shizuka shoved her mouth over the other maid's mouth. Good thing my Hikari caught that or I would of had some interesting reviews… *sweat drop*) "THEY is the secret organization of Penguins working with the Squirrels for world domination! THEY come from Pluto." Shizuka whispered, as her co-worker shook her head in disbelief and blinked.   
  
"So working as Kaiba's personal maid finally caused her crack…" She mumbled under her breath after Shizuka went back to unscrewing a ventilation cover. "I'm going to leave now." She walked away sweat dropping, as she heard Shizuka shouting from behind her.  
  
"Good idea! Go warn everyone else in the mansion of the Squirrels attack! I'll go see what I can do about this spy!"  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
"What in bloody hell is that?" Bakura asked aggravated. He was already wearing three layers of frilly under coats, a powder blue dress, and uncomfortable matching heels. If I didn't know it was him under there I'd say he looked very pretty. But I do know it's him under there so I'm thoroughly disturbed. Anzu blinked, as she looked at the article of clothing she had in her hands and back at Bakura.  
  
"It's called a corset, Bakura-kun. It was most popularly used in the Elizabethan Era in England in the 16th Century." Anzu answered cheerfully as held up a corset for him to wear. It had been an interesting situation of trying to get him into the dress, but this was going to be easier.  
  
"What's it for, where does it go, and why do I have to wear it?" Bakura asked flatly. Anzu sweat dropped.  
  
"Accessory, around your waist, and because I said so; now hold still." Anzu said as she quickly slipped it around his waist and started lacing it up, down the back.  
  
"Well, I guess this isn't so bad." Bakura said, trying to look at the bright side of things. There were worse characters he could have been forced to play, weirder characters, more painful characters- "AGH!" he suddenly, yelped out in pain, as Anzu started tightening the thick laces; which pulled Bakura's waist into a shape resembling that of an hourglass. "What are you doing back there?!" He whimpered, his sides aching.  
  
"Putting on your corset." She answered simply while pulling on the strings again, thus resulting in any oxygen Bakura had managed to suck in to be forced out. "Why? Does it hurt?" She asked, putting her foot on his back for a better grip and pulling backwards. Hard.  
  
"AGH!" 


	6. Oh how drunk I became

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
December 21, 2003  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
A/n:  
  
(Completely out of nowhere, the set is suddenly changed to Dickens 'A Christmas Carol' set.)  
  
Malik: Oh come on! I mean, really…this idea has been done and done and done…  
  
Yami no Bakura: And it just refuses to die!  
  
Yami no Yugi: Be silent! You have no Christmas spirit! And at least we aren't in that virtual world anymore.  
  
Yugi: At least 'til after Christmas.  
  
YnKN: That's right you slackers. It's against my better judgment, but my Hikari has persuaded me into have a Christmas chapter.  
  
Shadi: 'cuse me flashback guy coming through! *plugs in big screen TV and shoves a tape into VCR*  
  
(flashback)  
  
YnKN: You wouldn't dare!  
  
Kelly: I would, I could, and I will if no Holiday break is in this story! *holding YnKN's Seto Plushie in a threatening manner*  
  
YnKN: Alright! Alright! Just put the Seto plushie down nice and slow and you'll get a dumb Christmas chapter!  
  
(end flashback)  
  
Malik: So I'm suffering because you didn't want to lose a SETO PLUSHIE?!  
  
YnKN: *snuggles Seto plushie* Yup! Now deal with it.  
  
Malik: Grr…  
  
YnBakura: I have no idea what you're complaining about. I'm the one stuck starring in this thing…  
  
YnKN: From this point on Yami no Bakura will be known as Yami Bakura, Yami no Yugi as Yami, Bakura as Ryou, Yami no Malik as Marik and I think that's about all the name changes… Oh and the yami's are separated from the Hikari's.  
  
Kelly: YAY! *runs over and glomps Ryou*  
  
Ryou: -_-;  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
( The scene is at an obviously fake cardboard bar, with a sign that says: Bakura and Marik)  
  
(Yugi: Old Marik was dead. Dead as a doornail. No one could be deader than him. There was absolutely nothing quite as dead as old Marik. Not even the Kame Game shop's pet turtle mascot, which had been out on the porch since last July. No, nothing else possessed a dead quality that was-)  
  
Marik: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!  
  
(You shut up! I'm obligated to talk!)  
  
Marik: Why you little- *tackles Yugi*  
  
(Agh my spleen! *passes out*)  
  
Marik: I call narrator!  
  
YnKN: You can't! Your supposed to be Bakura' dead partner!  
  
Marik: Screw that! Let Malik be the dead bastard.  
  
Malik: But see, I lack one important quality to be Bakura's dead partner.  
  
Marik: What's that?  
  
Malik: I'M NOT DEAD!  
  
Marik: Oh and I am?  
  
Malik: Well, on Japanese television you are.  
  
Marik: FINE! *storms off set*  
  
YnKN: So this leaves us with one problem. We no longer have a narrator.  
  
Kelly: Oh oh! Pick me pick me! I read a Dickens' Christmas Carol! PLEASE!  
  
YnKN: - -; Alright fine…  
  
(Kelly: YAY! Um… and now we uh… what happens next?)  
  
YnKN: You told me you read this!  
  
(Kelly: Well, sure I read it, but I don't remember any of it!)  
  
YnKN: Forget it! I'll be narrator!  
  
Kelly: Aw…  
  
(YnKN: Silence! Now with that happy beginning we take you to Bakura's and Marik's Bank-)  
  
Yami Bakura: *adjusting his spectacles* It's a bar!  
  
( *throws script up in the air* Fine! Whatever! Why not mutilate the story further?! Bakura's BAAAAAAAR…)  
  
Kelly: *tending to Yugi in her nurse outfit* I think she's lost it.  
  
Yugi: Did she ever really have it to begin with?  
  
Ryou: *dressed in a playboy bunny girl outfit and frantically flipping through Dickens' a Christmas Carol* Um…I thought it was supposed to be a bank. And why am I always in girl's clothing?  
  
Yami Bakura: Why the heck would I want a bank? Especially when I can have a strip club! It's a good thing that that Marik guy finally kicked the bucket. Now I don't have to split any of the money! And project Ring hasn't hunted us down yet so until then you will wear whatever I tell you to!  
  
Ryou: *sigh* Riiight.   
  
Yami Bakura: Now strip!  
  
Ryou: Um , I was thinking-  
  
Yami Bakura: That's not in your contract.  
  
Ryou: Sometimes I can't help it. It sneaks up on you. Like fungi... Anyway, since tomorrow is Christmas…  
  
(Suddenly, an enormous squad of tiny police cars pull up, lights flashing and sirens going. Scapegoat in police suits pour out of the cars and line up, glaring at Bakura.)  
  
Blue Scapegoat: How dare you mention Christmas?!  
  
Ryou: *shaken* What?  
  
Red Scapegoat: Have you forgotten all the other holidays? We're going to get nasty reviews from members of other religions! We don't want them to be offended! Either state all the holidays…OR NONE AT ALL!  
  
Ryou: *stammers*  
  
Pink Scapegoat: People will FLAME YOU! Do you know what this does to publicity? Start over! And despite popular belief I'm not a girl!  
  
( The squad of cars drive out.)  
  
Ryou: Um… Since it is…Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukah, Winter Solstice…*goes on*  
  
( An hour passes. )  
  
Ryou: -and Kelly's feast celebration of plotting Hillary Duff's execution all in this general month, I was wondering if I could have the day off tomorrow?  
  
Yami Bakura: *passed out on the floor* Zzzz… *snores*  
  
Ryou: Wow. He fell asleep! Better escape before he comes to! *runs out*  
  
(He'll be back…)  
  
Ryou: *runs back in* Forgot my coat… ^^; *runs back out*  
  
(A few hours later, Yami Bakura is still passed out on the floor, dead to the world, immobile, unable to speak or otherwise communicate, lying as a tapir on the floor, as out as a-)  
  
Audience: GET ON WITH IT!  
  
( Right. Yami Bakura is still lying asleep on the floor, the lazy bum, and two charity workers arrive, with impeccably poor timing, at the doorstop.)  
  
Kelly: *pounding on the door* OPEN UP, YOU RYOU ENSLAVING COMMUNIST SCUM!  
  
Malik: *rolling his eyes* Can you feel the Christmas spirit?  
  
Yami Bakura: *awakes with a snort* Who's there? I swear I have no illegal drugs in this bar! And whatever I did, I didn't do it!  
  
Kelly: We are here to steal your filthy, drug-infested money, to give it to poor people who will most likely spend it on booze and other drugs, thereby continuing the vicious, moth-eaten cycle that is our society! And save Ryou from women's clothing, I'm with project ring you know!  
  
Malik: She means that we're taking donations to help the homeless. And she's not with project ring.  
  
Kelly: Sure… Allow the Ryou torture to go on!   
  
Yami Bakura: They should ban you people.  
  
Malik: They should also ban Yugi's hairstyle, but we don't see that happening, do we?  
  
Yami Bakura: I wouldn't ad-lib too much if I were you.  
  
Malik: I'll try to keep that in mind. Now, about these donations…  
  
Yami Bakura: Everyone who likes Christmas should be impaled with mistletoe and be boiled in their own pudding. Furthermore, they should be hacked apart, ripped limb from limb, squashed into a kind of quivering, bloody jelly, and then force-fed to a Santa Claus doll.  
  
Kelly: *looks at Malik* They boil pudding?  
  
Malik: - -; *knocks Kelly out with his clipboard*   
  
Kelly: X_x *crumples to the ground*  
  
Malik: Sorry about that sir. *throws Kelly over his shoulder*  
  
Yami Bakura: I was tempted to do it myself.  
  
Malik: So we'll put you down for a fruitcake, then?  
  
Yami Bakura: Sure. *slams the door*  
  
( Yami Bakura has just sat down to count his many articles of lingerie…)  
  
Yami Bakura: MONEY! I'm counting my money!  
  
( *cough* Right. His money. How could I have mistaken that as Anzu's Hello Kitty Panties?)  
  
Yami Bakura: *blink* I feel incredibly sickened…  
  
(-when another knock on the door interrupts him. )  
  
Yami Bakura: *opens the door* What do you want?  
  
Mokuba: I'm gonna sing you a few carols, while looking disgustingly cute. ^_____________^  
  
Yami Bakura: Do you *want* a wreath slammed over your head?  
  
Mokuba: …No sir.  
  
Yami Bakura: Then I suggest you leave. *slams the door*  
  
Mokuba: At least he didn't call me Moky! *skips off to sing carols and look disgustingly cute for someone else*  
  
Malik: *blink* So what do I do with Kelly?  
  
(If its as bad as Noah's, Mokuba's singing would probably bring her back to consciousness.)  
  
Malik: *chases after Mokuba* Mokuba come back!  
  
~  
  
(After that, Scrooge fell to drinking half his alcohol supply, until he felt nice and warm and fuzzy. Then he decided to walk home.)  
  
Yami Bakura: *singing* How dry I am…how dry I am…Oh no one knows…how dry I am… ^_^  
  
(Then, he slammed straight into the door of his house)  
  
Yami Bakura: &@#$!   
  
(*snickers* And after rubbing his stinging face, began to turn the doorknob)  
  
Yami Bakura: *grumbling* What a stupid day this was. It's worse than when someone decided to put the Kami Game Shop's pet mascot turtle on top of my cocktail machine…  
  
(Suddenly, the doorknocker transforms into Marik's head, and he glares at Yami Bakura.)  
  
Yami Bakura: *gasps* It's old…old…um…I forgot. What's his name?  
  
Marik: You bastard. My name is only all over our bank!  
  
Yami Bakura: It's a bar now. ^_^  
  
Marik: Have you no morals?  
  
Yami Bakura: Mor-what?  
  
Marik: Shut up! I'm gonna say your name all dramatic-like! Alright! Scroooooooge…*disappears*  
  
Yami Bakura: That was weird. And since when is my name Scrooge?  
  
(We keep switching back and forth now get into your freaking house.)  
  
Yami Bakura: Who died and made you narrator?  
  
(Well Yugi's dealing with a bruised spleen and Malik knocked Kelly out.)  
  
Yami Bakura: Well at least something good came out of this.  
  
(And with those words of astounding redundancy, Scrooge made his way into his house.)  
  
~  
  
(Yami Bakura is sitting on an enormous, stuffed, paisley chair. He smokes a bubble pipe and is wearing a fluffy white bathrobe, blue and white vertically stripped pajamas, and pink bunny slippers.)  
  
Yami Bakura: Darn it, I'm sober again. And just when I was used to seeing little pink elephants.  
  
Pink elephant: What are you talking about, we're always here.  
  
Yami Bakura: Shut up! Shut up and die! *shoots the elephant and glares around the room* Anyone *else* want to venture an opinion?  
  
( All the pink elephants shake their heads.)  
  
Yami Bakura: Excellent. *replaces bubble pipe in his mouth*  
  
( The clock strikes twelve with an eerie echoing sound.)  
  
Yami Bakura: Ah, the Eerie Echoing Clock. Must be time to go to bed.  
  
( The ghost of Marik slides through the room, draped in chains made out of iron beer bottles)  
  
Yami Malik: Scrooooge…  
  
Yami Bakura: Oh for the love of… not again! I didn't even get drunk this time! It's not fair… just not fair! And why do you insist on calling me Scrooge? You don't even say it right!  
  
Yami Malik: Shut up and listen. It is I, the ghost of your partner Marik. I wear these chains as punishment for all the drinking I did in my past life. If you continue your way of grumpiness and alcoholism, you will have to wear even more chains than me when you die.  
  
Yami Bakura: Are they full bottles?  
  
Yami Malik: No. And, even worse than that, you'll have TEA'S friendship speeches repeated endlessly in your head.  
  
Yami Bakura: Dear lord, NO! At least Anzu doesn't do the rants, but TEA? What can I do to prevent this?  
  
Yami Malik: Well, I'm gonna send you three spirits to help you on your way…because I can think of no better alternative. Although it should be obvious that you should change your ways and not need any more advice.  
  
Yami Bakura: Spirits you say? Like wine?  
  
Yami Malik: You're a moron. Just for that, I'm going to get the three most annoying spirits I know. See you in Hell, Scrooge. *leaves*  
  
Yami Bakura: He seemed nice. *goes off to bed like nothing happened*  
  
~  
  
( Yami Bakura is lying in his bed, hugging a plushie of Bakura? Looks like Kelly got into the prop box again…)  
  
Kelly: *suffering through amnesia* They boil pudding?  
  
Malik: - -; *smacks her with his clipboard again*  
  
Kelly: X_x *crumples to the ground again*  
  
Malik: *throws her over his shoulder* Please continue. *walks off set*  
  
(*shakes head* Right… Anyway, The alarm clock next to his bed opens, revealing a chibi Noah banging a chibi Seto over the head.)  
  
Yami Bakura: Man, I have got some insomnia problems. When are those spirits going to get here, anyway? And why did I set my alarm for 1:00 am?  
  
( A bright little figure flies into the room, dressed in a sparkly white robe and sandals)  
  
Yami: I am the ghost of Christmas pa-  
  
Yami Bakura: *laughing too hard to listen*  
  
Yami: Shut up! Listen to me or you'll be stuck listening to friendship speeches all your afterlife! *growls at his costume* Right, anyway. I am the ghost of Christmas past. C'mere, I'm gonna show you how screwed up your past life was.   
  
Yami Bakura: Kelly didn't happen to fashion that marvelous ensemble for you by chance?  
  
Yami: Shut up or I'll drop you.  
  
Yami Bakura: I know Marik's dead, but when did you die in the series?  
  
Yami: About 3,000 years before TV was invented dumb ass.  
  
Yami Bakura: Ah yes… so then how come I'm not a spirit?  
  
Yami: Am I the narrator? NO! *lands outside a window in the schoolhouse* Alright, look in the window and be miserable.  
  
(Inside, Pegasus is taking a shower. He turns and notice Yami Bakura is looking at him, screams like a girl, and slams shut the shower curtain.)  
  
Yami Bakura: *looks ill* Well, I'm miserable all right.   
  
Yami: Oops…wrong window. *takes the window off the wall, revealing a plain flat wall beneath it, rummages in a sack, and pulls out a different window, which he fits on the wall* there, that should be right.  
  
Yami Bakura: *looks in* Hey! That's me!  
  
( Inside, a young Yami Bakura is looking with wide eyes at everyone dancing. Mai comes over to him and holds up a sprig of mistletoe.)  
  
Mai: Oh Scrooge… sweetums! I'm under the Mistletoe!  
  
Young Yami Bakura: *looks at the Mistletoe, then nonchalantly sets fire to it*  
  
(Outside the window, Yami Bakura chuckles.)  
  
Yami Bakura: Ah, those were the days.  
  
Yami: *is muttering into his hand and sighing* There really may be no hope for you.  
  
Yami Bakura: What, you expected me to get all mushy and cute? Not in this Christmas special, buddy.  
  
Yami: But that's what I'm here for! I'm supposed to show the audience your soft, innocent past self so that they can wonder about what could have been! More to the point, *you're* supposed to wonder about what could've been!  
  
Yami Bakura: I suppose I could have bought a bigger bar…  
  
Yami: That's it! I'm leaving. Good luck to the next spirit! *leaves*  
  
( The background fades and then sharpens, leaving Yami Bakura standing next to his bed.)  
  
Yami Bakura: *looks around* Hmmm. Must've been a dream. *climbs into his bed and is about to go to sleep, when he hears a loud thump outside his bed curtains* What the…  
  
( Outside his bed curtains, Mai is wearing oversized dark green robes, a hollified crown and is being followed around by a hoard of mini Jounouchi chibis that just ran into the wall)  
  
Jounouchi Chibi's: @____@  
  
Mai: *looks over* Hello Scrooge, sweetums… *grits teeth* I'm the Spirit of Christmas Present. *smiles manically as she edges towards the sharp objects*  
  
Yami Bakura: Oh my god…  
  
Mai: Too late for that flame boy! I'm gonna so kill you for that little stunt you pulled at that Christmas party!  
  
Yami Bakura: I didn't mean to burn your hand off it just kinda happened. At least something nice came out of it!  
  
Mai: GRRR! Jounouchi chibis attack!  
  
Jounouchi Chibis: DIE!!! *grab at Yami Bakura's legs and glomp him mercilessly*  
  
Yami Bakura: - -; It's people like you that made me turn to liquor.  
  
Mai: *shrug* Like I care?  
  
Yami Bakura: *sarcastic* So now that you've unleashed your "wrath" - *feels teeth sink into his leg* OW! The mutts bit me! I'd better not get rabies or you'll be working in my bar along with Ryou trying to pay off the lawsuit!  
  
Jounouchi Chibis: *scatter* ^_____^  
  
Mai: ^_^ I feel better now. Come Jounouchi chibis we have business to attend to.   
  
Yami Bakura: Nice seeing you again. Really…  
  
Mai: You're the business you drunken bastard. Come on we're gonna go see what's going on tonight.  
  
Yami Bakura: So you're like a glorified peeping tom?  
  
Jounouchi Chibis: *file into Mai's car*   
  
Mai: Social Butterfly! *shoves Yami Bakura into her car*  
  
Yami Bakura: Since when does this time period have automobiles?  
  
Mai: Since I said it does, now shut up and put your seat belt on.  
  
Yami Bakura: I don't need no dumb seat belt.  
  
Mai: *shrug* Whatever. *goes from 0-90 in a second flat* JOY RIDE!  
  
Yami Bakura: O___________O *thrown backwards into the seat*  
  
~  
  
( Mai stops outside Ryou's House, which is a very dilapidated-looking, obviously fake, cardboard house. Yami Bakura crashes through the front windshield and next to the window.)  
  
Yami Bakura: Ouch… Hey, who's dump is this?  
  
Mai: *Ignores the fact that Yami Bakura should be suffering through much more pain as he just crashed through her car's windshield* Alas…it is the house of your stripper, Ryou. Never thought I'd say those words…  
  
Yami Bakura: Ryou? That bum…he's not supposed to leave work without my permission. He must have run off after I fell asleep. Well, it's double duty for him… and the bunny suit.  
  
Mai: - -; *filling her nails* Just look in the house you dolt.  
  
(Inside the house, a table is set for five. Shizuka is cooking something in a large pot, and there are many little female versions of Shizuka/Ryou running around. Creepy, isn't it?)  
  
Kelly: *woke up again* Malik what's with all the mini Shizuka/Ryou girls? And is Shizuka boiling pudding?  
  
Malik: *doesn't want her to go into a Ryou frenzy* What minis? *smacks her with clipboard*  
  
Kelly: X__x *crumples to the ground*  
  
(Malik stop doing that, she has enough brain damage already.)  
  
Malik: *Sigh* FINE… *throws Kelly over his shoulder and drags her off*  
  
(Where was I? Oh right. Ryou walks through the door.)  
  
Ryou: I'm home!   
  
Shizuka: Welcome home dear! Look, the children are glad to see you!  
  
( Indeed, the Shizuka/Ryou look-alikes are now swarming over to greet him.)  
  
Yami Bakura: It took him that long to get home? What happened, did he get run over by a car?  
  
Chibi #1: Papa, why do you have tire marks on your shirt?  
  
Ryou: Oh, no particular reason, dear…  
  
Yami Bakura: *rolls eyes* Of course.  
  
Mai: *blinks* I think I may have accidentally been the cause of that…  
  
Yami Bakura: You're a danger to society, you know that?  
  
Mai: *shoves his head against the glass window* Well, I'm dead now so I'm not the one who needs to worry about his future! Now pay attention.  
  
Yami Bakura: Harpy…  
  
Mai: *grits teeth* I heard that…   
  
Chibi #2: Papa, mommy bought a whole parrot for Christmas dinner!  
  
Ryou: Wow, dear! We only had a canary last year!  
  
Shizuka: Yes, well, we have Mr. Scrooge to thank for all of this. Thanks to that raise he gave you! *forced smile* He's such a NICE man.  
  
Yami Bakura: *raises eyebrow* I never gave him a raise…  
  
Ryou: Yes, that's right…the raiiise…*looks around shiftily*  
  
Chibi #1: Papa's scaring me, Momma.  
  
Shizuka: Don't worry, he gets like this sometimes. *whacks Bakura over the head*  
  
Ryou: Ow! *looks around confused* Where am I again?  
  
Shizuka: And there you go.  
  
Ryou: *snaps out of it* Ah, and where is Tiny Tim?   
  
Shizuka: Poor boy. He's so dreadfully ill. But even though he's so sick, it didn't stop him from challenging random school bullies on the street to Duel Monster's games.   
  
Ryou: *sniff* My brave, brave son.  
  
Yugi: *comes out, leaning on a crutch* Papa's home! *falls over*  
  
(What the hell did Kelly do to him?! I thought he was just suffering through a bruised spleen?!)  
  
Ryou: This is Kelly we're talking about. The same girl who caused my ears to bleed and wrapped my face up in linen cloths so I almost suffocated. God only knows what she did to him.  
  
(Good point… She'll do anything to get into that nurse suit… ANYWAY back to the mutilated story at hand.)  
  
Yami Bakura: Is he *sure* that's his son? It looks like the woman was having an affair with someone…  
  
Mai: Do you want my puppies to bite you again?  
  
Jounouchi Chibis: *fighting over cookies in the back seat of Mai's car* Grrr…  
  
Yami Bakura: - -; I miss Yami…   
  
Ryou: Hello, my dear Tiny Tim. How are you feeling today?  
  
Yugi: Oh, just peachy…  
  
Mai: If this family doesn't get more money and fast, I can see and empty seat where Tiny Tim once…sat.  
  
Yami Bakura: Oh, you mean he'll stand instead?  
  
Mai: NO! He'll be DEAD! DEAD! DEAD YOU DOLT! ERG! *grabs a cigarette from her robe* My god…  
  
Yami Bakura: *unfazed* How depressing. Anything happy and cheerful you want to show me?  
  
Mai: *sucks in the fumes* Do we really want another showering Pegasus riff?  
  
Yami Bakura: Dear lord, no.  
  
Mai: Then I'm pretty much done. *takes another puff*  
  
Yami Bakura: Smoking's bad for you, you know.  
  
Mai: Like I'm going to take advice from an alcoholic… see ya.   
  
( Mai, the Jounouchi Chibi's, and her car disappears in a puff of smoke, which grows to a very large puff, and eventually takes up the entire town.)  
  
Yami Bakura: See? *cough* I told her smoking was hazardous to her health. *looks around* And she forgot to take me home too. How am I going to find my way home in this mess?  
  
Shrouded Figure: You aren't going home right now, Scrooge. You're coming with me…  
  
Yami Bakura: Who are you? And why are you talking? You aren't supposed to talk!  
  
Shrouded Figure: …*raises its hand and points*  
  
Yami Bakura: Oh, so *now* you remember the rules.  
  
Shrouded Figure: *gives Yami Bakura the finger, then goes on with it's silent pointing*  
  
Yami Bakura: Somehow I get the idea that you want me to go down there, where you're pointing. Is there a real good bar there that I don't know about? I could use a margarita.  
  
Shrouded Figure: *points*  
  
Yami Bakura: Aw, screw it. *goes off* Hmmm...gravestones. Let's see. 'Here lies dear old Fred. A great big rock fell on his head.'   
  
Shrouded Figure: *pulls out a map and inspects it, then points in a different direction*  
  
Yami Bakura: 'Here lies the body of Old John Mound. Lost at sea and never found.'  
  
Shrouded Figure: *stomps its foot*  
  
(*Hands the Shrouded Figure a specially made Rishid map* Magic crayons make all the difference.)  
  
Shrouded Figure: *nods then grabs Yami Bakura and drags him to a different tombstone, shoving his head an inch from the inscription*  
  
Yami Bakura: Hmmm…Here lies Tiny Tim. Well, that's not…Tiny Tim? The little weird-haired boy I saw at Bakura's place? He's dead?  
  
Shrouded Figure: *nods*  
  
Yami Bakura: *sarcastic* Oh… darn… *blink* He didn't by chance put me in his will as the new heir to the Sennen puzzle did he?  
  
Shrouded Figure: - -; *drags Yami Bakura to another gravestone, far at the end of the graveyard*  
  
Yami Bakura: And whose lonely grave is this? *looks closer* It's mine?  
  
( The shrouded figure pulls off its hood, revealing Tea underneath it.)  
  
Tea: Yes, Scrooge…now you must listen to me forever!  
  
Yami Bakura: NOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
( Yami Bakura backs up, then falls in the empty grave. He falls and falls and falls and falls and falls…*hits herself and jump-starts* and lands in his bed. Falling dreams suck, don't they?)  
  
Yami Bakura: *gasping* That was absolutely horrible! Tea… *shudder*  
  
Tea: *pops into his curtains* Hi Yami Bakura!  
  
Yami Bakura: AGH!  
  
(Double dreams suck, don't they?)  
  
Yami Bakura: *gasping* I just had a horrible dream! Now I must change my ways, even though technically, I still believe it was a dream, though on the off-chance that it was real, I'll change my ways! I really don't want to listen to friendship speeches for eternity!   
  
( He jumps off the bed and dresses quickly, then rushes out the door. On the way he gives Mokuba some money, donates more money to Kelly's and Malik's charity…)  
  
Kelly: I made you pudding, you Communist Bastard, Mr. Scrooge! ^-^  
  
Malik: Can I please?  
  
(Yeah fine.)  
  
Malik: *smacks Kelly over the head with clipboard*  
  
Kelly: Darn it… X_x *crumples to the ground*  
  
Malik: *throws Kelly over his shoulder* Oddly satisfying… *walks off set*  
  
( … And Yami Bakura rushes in the store to buy stuff for Ryou's family. He then goes to Ryou's House, which looks just as fake and dilapidated, and knocks the door.)  
  
Ryou: I don't want any statues of Hillary Duff being decapitated!  
  
Yami Bakura: *makes his voice really stern* It's me!  
  
( A loud crashing sound is heard from inside , along with screams of 'Hide the china!')  
  
Ryou: *opens the door* Um…hello Mr. Scrooge sir. I know you didn't technically allow me to be off work today, but if you-  
  
Yami Bakura: SILENCE!  
  
Ryou: *meekly* Yes-sir.  
  
Yami Bakura: I have had quite enough of you and your slacking! Therefore…I have no choice but to… SPANK YOU!  
  
Ryou: What?!  
  
Yami Bakura: Oops…I meant, I have no choice but to give you a raise! And make you my official partner!  
  
Ryou: Do you really mean it, sir, or are you suffering from another hangover?  
  
Yami Bakura: *about to say no, but thinks of Tea* Yes. I really, REALLY mean it. And my hangover is no concern of yours.  
  
Ryou: Oh, joy!   
  
Yugi: *runs up, and then trips and falls on the floor* God bless us, every one…  
  
( The scene closes out with a bunch of fake snow, which the Scapegoat police and Chibi Jounouchi's are shaking out of a jug while perched on the roof of Ryou's house, which is still really fake and really cardboard.)  
  
YnKN: … I have no idea why I wrote this and your regularly scheduled chapter of Fantasy will be back next week.  
  
Kelly: *about to open her mouth*  
  
Malik: *smacks her with clipboard*  
  
Kelly *crumples to the ground* X_x  
  
YnKN: Hee hee hee… I now see the joy in running gags… 


	7. Bye, bye, bye: pen pilot

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
December 21, 2003  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
A/n:  
  
(Kelly: *can not find the ability to function* O_O)  
  
She's been like that since the last time she got whacked with the clipboard. It's kinda nice not having to listen to her rant though! ^_^  
  
(Kelly: O_O)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't even own this body. You think I own Yu-Gi-Oh? Although it is a very nice body… not as nice as my Ancient Egyptian one, but nice all the same. Right… where was I hikari?  
  
(Kelly: O_O *twitch*)  
  
Hey! She moved!  
  
- Yami no Kelly N.  
  
-(Kelly Noel)  
  
  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
Recap:  
  
We had a Christmas Holiday special… and I'm not going to even comment on it…  
  
ANYWAY!  
  
Well let's see, Malik hates Isis for screwing up the sweater he knitted her, Rishid has magic crayons, Pegasus too is busy with his 24 Hour Funny Bunny Marathon to join the insanity and I'm very sad about that, Mokuba is in the ventilation system of the Kaiba mansion in an attempt to break into Kaiba's computer room/lair, Shizuka is trying to get into the ventilation system to stop a "squirrel" from stealing all of Kaiba's technology, Yugi… well he's short, Jounouchi's trying to rattle Kaiba's cage, Honda… um yeah, Anzu's suffocating Bakura, and Bakura's in a powder blue dress, matching heels, and currently being strangled by an evil corset! Oh and Malik got old so: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALIK-KUN! ^-^  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
"Malik get out of there!" Isis shouted, as she repeatedly banged her hip against the door to Malik's room in an attempt to get him to come out.  
  
"No!" Malik sniffled, engrossing himself in knitting another sweater. His lavender eyes filled with diminutive tears as he unravels another ball of yarn.  
  
"MALIK! OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT THIS MINUTE!" Isis shouted, as she felt her right hip numbing from repeatedly banging it against his door. Her eyes narrowed, aggravated as she pressed her ear against the door to hear what he was doing in there.   
  
"NEVER!" Malik shouted back, throwing a large and heavy object at the door making a loud banging sound, right in Isis' ear. Isis grabbed her head in pain, as her eardrums continued to ring out in her skull.  
  
"Maybe I should try Isis-sama?" Rishid offered, as Isis continued to twitch from the ear splitting pain.   
  
"F-fine…" Isis barely mumbled, as sound caused her vision to blur and her ears to bleed.  
  
"Malik-sama, Isis-sama has graciously decided to show us how to operate the computer in return your forgiveness of her mauling your marvelously made sweater."  
  
"I'd still like to know how you guys got a computer down here with working Internet service…" Isis mumbled out loud, only loud enough to be heard by her.  
  
"Really?" Malik asked, opening the door a crack to make sure it wasn't a trick.  
  
"Of course Malik-sama!" Rishid comforted, smiling brightly.  
  
"YAY!" And so the three ran off to wherever the computer was located… I say wherever because even I get lost in that house or tomb, rather. So many doors so little time…  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
"Now you're positive that's Bakura-kun?" Honda whispered in Anzu's ear as he starred at Bakura who was currently on "her" throne, sulking while still looking frilly and adorable.  
  
"Yes Honda! I'm sure! I helped him get dressed after all." Anzu repeated, as Honda had asked her this multiple times already. "Trust me that's Bakura-kun."  
  
"So I can't ask him out?"  
  
"I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that and we'll move on with our lives…" Anzu coughed, as Honda blinked. Incase you're wondering: I have no comment…  
  
"There must be a way to salvage my plans…" Seto started, as he continued to poke his pen pilot feverishly. "At this rate I'll be in this world for days!" He sweat dropped as he thought of how horrible this was working out so far. "Why is it that every time I even try to plot against you, it ends in ruin?" He asked as he took out his mini Yugi voodoo doll and strangled it in his hand. "Anyway!" Seto continued shoving it back into his trench coat so that he may continue to type. "If I can get back to the real world to reconstruct my plans there is a chance that this will work…"  
  
"Hey Yug' is Kaiba's hand 'posed to be smoking like dat?" Jounouchi asked, sounding too much like his illiterate English dubbed counter part, which has currently been jailed by Brooklyn Police for impersonating a New Yorker.  
  
"First of all stop talking like that it's scaring me." Yugi responded, taking care of the more important situation first. "Second, Kaiba smokes?" Yugi asked, turning to see that indeed Kaiba's hand was smoldering, but the two did not realize that it was not Kaiba's hand that was smoldering, but his pen pilot because he'd overloaded it. However, Jounouchi and Yugi were not the only two to not realize this, no, it wouldn't be any fun if only they didn't realize, you see, the two guards assigned to protect the recovered Princess Kisara (A.K.A.: Bakura-kun) also did not realize this and took action. Thinking that poor Seto-kun was in trouble, and that this trouble could spread to their "princess," they robbed him of his pen pilot and chucked it out the window where a resounding and horrifying "sploosh." A sound effect that was so terrible that even spell check refused to acknowledge it as a word sends shivers down my spine.  
  
"NO!" Seto shouted, thrusting half his body out the window in a failed attempt to save his only way home, only way other than finishing the game, of course. But his attempts were in vain, as it had already dropped to it's watery grave down below. His eyes clouded over, as only pained mumbles crossed his lips as he continued to dangle half way out the window, ever so slowly slipping farther and farther down from the window. Yup… Let's go see how Mokuba's doing!  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
  
  
"I could use a map…" Mokuba sweat dropped as he looked blankly at his surroundings, before he noticed a scrap of old paper from his pocket. "Hmmm?" He blinked; taking it out only seeing a square with a bunch of different colored squiggly lines on it. "Oh yeah, thanks a bunch. It ALL comes together NOW." He growled sarcastically, yelling at the seemingly higher power that had placed the map in his left pocket. Turning it over to see if there was anything on this side to help him were the words, "Screw you. With love, YnKN." Rolling his eyes at the ceiling Mokuba continued to his journey to Seto's computer room, while the authoress, being I, thought of more ways to prolong his misery. He was snippy with me even after all the plushies I made of him? Ooh he's gonna get it… and I'm gonna give it to him good… mwah… mwahahahaha… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!   
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~   
  
"It's really that easy?" Malik asked, looking at Isis who sweat dropped at her brother's stupidity.  
  
"Just press the button."  
  
"It seems too simple- OW!" Malik said, circling the machine and tripping over a wire in the back of the machine, and falling flat on his face.  
  
"Malik!" Isis shouted, not really concerned about Malik's well being, his head was as dense as the Pharaoh's stone tablet, but rather the well being of the computer. Rishid had told her of the gods influence in getting this computer hooked up and Malik couldn't afford to anger the gods anymore than he already had. "If you screw up one more time-"  
  
"Impending doom, blah, blah, blah, end of the world, blah, evil will take over, blah, blah, blah. Oh and I almost forgot the most important part: BLAH! Right Isis, sister?" Malik mocked as Isis furrowed her brow.  
  
"Oh Malik, honestly!" And with that Isis threw her hands up in the air out of exasperation. At this point she didn't even really care one way or the other if Ammit devoured her younger brother's heart. "Fine you wanna forget about our heritage? No computer for you!"  
  
"No Isis! I didn't mean it really!"  
  
Meanwhile Rishid stood in the corner of the room, fuming at the fact that he still hadn't been able to try a computer. Grabbing both Isis and Malik by the neck of their tops he placed them in front of the computer, pressed the button to the computer, shoved the CD in the D drive, and put a virtual helmet on each, including himself so that the story may move on as the narrator is bored out of her skull.  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~   
  
"Guys I think we broke Kaiba."  
  
After realizing that Seto-kun was going to fall out the window and into impending doom along with the horrifying sound effect of the dreaded "sploosh," Yugi, Anzu and Honda saved him. I say only Yugi, Anzu, and Honda because Jounouchi didn't feel the need to get up as he remised about all the different names I gave out to replace the word mutt in a chapter 5 and Bakura didn't help because tripped over the hem of his gown when he tried to run over.  
  
"I think I ripped my dress…" Bakura noted looking at the torn hem, which caught Anzu's attention.  
  
"We could always put another one on, I saw a nice pink one in the closet-"  
  
"NO!"   
  
"Right…" Yugi started. "But back to the important matter at hand. We broke Kaiba!" It was then an idea came to Jounouchi's seemingly empty head. I say seemingly empty because everyone has a brain. The only problem with Jounouchi's was that it was too cluttered with X rated porn movies, X rated porn magazines, and wondering if what was growing under his bed was editable; to actually put it to any use.  
  
"I have an idea-" And it was then that everyone, even Seto, snapped to attention.  
  
"You do?!" They all asked at once except for Anzu who said, "Yugi please ask The Moron, YOU DO?!"   
  
  
  
"I hate you all." And with that Jounouchi fell over sweat dropping.  
  
~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~ ~`_-_`~  
  
"Ooh wow." Malik said as he looked at his current surroundings.  
  
"But what's with all the dark and revealing clothing?" Isis asked, as she tried to use her new black cape to hide her new revealing outfit.  
  
"Ah so brilliant, well not really, but so naïve…"  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" Isis asked placing her hands on her hips before quickly using them to cover up her outfit again.  
  
"Is it not obvious? We get to play the villains!" Malik rejoiced as he played with his dark purple cape and remembered the fond memories of Battle City. And then he became incredibly depressed as all of his Battle City plans failed, the fact that he was banished to the shadow realm on the Battle Blimp came to mind, and don't even get him started on Alacratze Duel Tower. "Okay so maybe it's not as great as I originally thought."  
  
"Malik-sama is it not possible that we are anti-villains like Yami no Bakura, Seto Kaiba, and that Ootogi person, whose last name escapes both me and the narrator?" Rishid noted as he handed Isis his oversized coat so that she would stop fidgeting.  
  
"Perhaps you're right Rishid. Perhaps your right."  
  
"But I'm a good guy- or rather person." Isis argued feeling more comfortable now that she was covered.  
  
"Well Yugi and co. always found you incredibly weird." Malik thought out loud, cringing as he realized he'd actually said it. "Did I say that out loud?"  
  
"Really?" Isis asked, slightly hurt and tears watering up.  
  
"Uh…" Malik stuttered, in this uncomfortable situation he'd gotten himself into. "No! No! Of course not. I was just kidding!"  
  
"But you stuttered!" Isis sobbed as Malik cringed.  
  
"Uh…" Unable to come up with an excuse he continued to stutter until one hit him. "I was commanded by Ra to stutter!"  
  
"Malik that's a lie!" Isis continued to wail as her younger brother sweat dropped.  
  
"This is one of those time I wish I hadn't given my rod to Yugi." And now I give all my perverted Hentai readers the opportunity to chortle, snicker, and cackle along with other forms of demented laughter at the fact that Malik said "my rod." … Okay it was kinda funny. Muah…  
  
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"I think I've got it!" Mokuba shouted unscrewing one of the caps to the ventilation system and putting his head down to get a look. "Aw damn… its only Seto's private bathroom." About to go back up into the air duct when he realized what exactly he'd said. "Seto's private bathroom…" It was then a seemingly wicked smile crossed his face as he dropped down from the vent, landing on his feet.   
  
"What's this?" He asked, noticing what appeared to be a mini YnKN plushie attached to the showerhead. Grabbing it he blinked as started to dissolve in his hand. "What the hell? Looks like that freaky Yami no Kelly person has spies set up all over this bathroom." He shuddered. "It would be just plan wrong to leave them here so it looks like I'll have to go through all of Seto's stuff to find them all…" And with that seemingly legitimate excuse he began his search. However, no one ever noticed the seemingly ominous shapeless mass scuttle back into the ventilation system, which just appeared because that little brat called me freaky! And not even by my real name! Damn it the little brat made me ruin the mysteriousness of the moment… scary sound effects should cover it… SPLOOSH!  
  
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"Obviously the game's plot it to find the real Princess Kisara." Bakura ranted, as he'd taken everyone to his special chambers, well they weren't really his, where they could converse freely.  
  
"You're just saying that because you don't want to wear the dress anymore." Anzu mumbled, disappointed that she'd never be able to see how the pink looked on Bakura.  
  
"Besides the point." He mumbled sweat dropping.  
  
"Actually, I think Bakura-kun's right." Honda agreed, as his estranged friend smiled grateful.  
  
"You're just saying that because you like the dress he's currently in." Anzu mumbled, as Bakura's mouth fell open, and Honda started to whistle innocently.  
  
"OKAY!" Yugi shouted, breaking the tension, or at least he hoped he broke the tension. "The point is that we have to find this princess. Before I continue, why did we agree to play a game that we had no idea what the plot of it was?"  
  
"Curiosity." Bakura mumbled, as he sourly looked at his pinched feet, pinched because Anzu shoved his foot into heels that were three sizes too small as if the fact that they were high heels wasn't painful enough.  
  
"Concussion." Honda said, as everyone remembered how he flipped over the railing of the dancing simulator. Hee hee…  
  
"Friendship!" Anzu shouted, as if her answer was obvious.  
  
"I'd tell you but then I'd ruin the plot." Seto growled, still mourning the loss of his precious pen pilot.  
  
"Gaming obsession." Yugi admitted as everyone then looked to Jounouchi for his answer.  
  
"You know what's a funny word, or rather, animal? Goat..." And with that burst of intelligence I think we'll leave off here.  
  
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	8. Plot developments and Yugi plushies

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
January 6, 2003  
  
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!  
  
A/n:  
  
(Kelly: *snapped out of it* That last chapter sucked.)  
  
Hey, what do you mean by "sucked?!"  
  
(Kelly: I mean it sucked! If you dislike that word here are some other words courtesy of Jounouchi: reeked, bombed, stunk, bit the dust, was about as good as the guy who does Insector Haga's [Weevil Underwood's] dub voice-)  
  
*GASP* THAT JUST GOES TOO FAR!  
  
(Kelly: Truth hurts sweets.)  
  
Oh yeah, it's gonna hurt… it's gonna hurt Jounouchi bad… *stops* And did you just call me sweets?  
  
(It's been a long week…)  
  
Weakling, it's only her first week back at school and she's already as whipped as a herd of Renegade Scapegoat.  
  
Renegade Scapegoat: HEY!  
  
Pink Renegade Scapegoat: *wearing a red flannel shirt* I am manly! *eats an odd reddish substance* Hormel Chili… DEMAND IT!  
  
- -;;;;;; Muses… why did I have to have muses?  
  
(Kelly: Just think of it as pay back for all the torment you caused me through out the years, driving me insane and trying to shove me down random plot holes when we both had separate bodies…)  
  
Ah… the good ol' days… ^-^ *dreamy expression*  
  
(Kelly: - -;)  
  
Disclaimer: Meow. I am cute street kitty Nyan-Nyan. Come see my dress up antics and give this lost little kitty some milk… A purrfect purrformance… Hey wait a second! This isn't the disclaimer! It doesn't even mention Yu-Gi-Oh and how I don't own it!  
  
(Kelly: - -; Looks like Jounouchi left another X rated magazine at the house again…)  
  
- Yami no Kelly N.  
  
-(Kelly Noel)  
  
With special appearances by the Renegade Scapegoat and Hormel Chili… DEMAND IT!  
  
  
  
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Recap:  
  
  
  
Is there a point to this? I mean you know what happened, right? You did read the last chapter, right? You did review to the last chapter, right? You'd better have or it's gonna get messy in here. You're bishies are in my insane, demented hands. I've already thrashed the other non-reviewing individual's favorite bishies! YOURS COULD BE NEXT!  
  
Ha…  
  
Muah…  
  
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
You know what's odd I haven't gotten any reviews begging for Yami no Yugi… oddness… and this chapter will reflect on the YGO Falsebound Kingdom game that has my Hikari's butt glued to the floor in a futile attempt to liberate Yami no Yugi's forces. She's stuck on saving Anzu. No wonder she's upset…  
  
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Yami no Yugi, the ancient spirit residing in Yugi's Sennen item, which, by the way, has special powers and also doubles as a puzzle if you get bored, got up and looked out the window of his room.   
  
"This," he stated, "Begins a new day. For I shall expand my empire beyond the limits of man. Yes, I shall…" However, he was not able to finish his wordy and grandiose speech, for Yugi woke up immediately afterwards and kicked Yami into the soul room, where he proceeded to pout and do unnatural things to embalming jars.  
  
Yugi dawned his new hero outfit that looked oddly identical to the one he wore in the original three episode virtual game series, because my hikari found him to be incredibly cute in it and Yami no Yugi: incredibly sexy.   
  
Despite that he was dressed for success and had full control over his body, something was not right. No something was terribly wrong. Almost as wrong as that Nyan-Nyan kitty disclaimer. Something weighted heavily on his mind as he thought about the plan for today, if his hairstyle was really weird, and if he should have toast or pancakes for breakfast. For Yugi as you know, was a very deep and perplexing kid.  
  
But else where, even as Yugi tried to figure out if virtual hair gel would work on his seemingly real hair, the forces of Darkness, Chaos and, of course, Evil gathered. Their ultimate goal envisioned. They had all the resources necessary to implement it. The world, or rather the virtual world, as everyone knew it, was about to come to an abrupt and violent end. Yes, they were planning…  
  
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"So which one of us is which?" Isis asked confused as to whether she was Evil, Darkness, or Chaos.  
  
"How many times must we go over this?!" Malik shouted aggravated at the fact that his sister knew nothing about being evil… which is why he called that name first.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I'm new to the whole vengeance and wanting a power that should be mine even though I've done absolutely nothing to deserve other than learn how to throw down random pieces of paper marked with ink and fake ATK/DEF points onto a duel disk, which I didn't even have to purchase, thing!"  
  
"On the plus side you've got the villain rambling part down to an art form."  
  
"Malik…" Isis said, her voice barely balancing on the sanity line.  
  
"Okay, okay…" Malik mumbled, not wanting Isis to have another crying fit. "I'm Evil, Rishid is Chaos, and you're Darkness."  
  
"Why can't I be Light?"  
  
"It doesn't work that way…" Malik responded through gritted his teeth.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because it doesn't!" So the two continued their bickering. They argued about whether or not pink was a suitable color for men's shirts, and if Domino High School's homecoming dance should contain one of those fondue things everyone liked, and about shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, and what that weird blob like shape in the corner of the pharaoh's tablet was, and cabbages, and kings, and whether or not duck tape was an essential thing in life.  
  
And their bickering went off into many tangents as arguments are liable to do so when you continue them for long periods of time. They were now arguing on what exactly was the best way to eat a Reese, (which is smashing it into little pieces with a hammer or any really dense and heavy object, like Malik's skull, and pouring it into a chocolate malt. Yummy…), when Rishid, or rather, Chaos, finally realized, 'We've been here for hours and we still haven't decided on anything.'   
  
Which, of course, was unfair and untrue, as they had decided, in just the past five minutes of bickering, that blue was, indeed a suitable color for men's underwear to be and that the blob in the corner of Yami no Yugi's tablet resembled that of a small furry animal, most likely a rodent.  
  
"Malik-sama, Isis-sama, is it possible that we could figure out this naming business after we find out what we are going to do to make the hero's lives miserable?" Rishid interrupted, as Isis was arguing to Malik that breaking up a Reese and pouring it into strawberry milk was the best way to eat them.  
  
"Oh fine…!" They both sighed at the same time, Malik then proceeded to pull his lower eyelid down and stick his tongue out at his older sister while she wasn't looking while still managing to look incredibly sexy. And I've changed my mind, The best way to eat a Reece's is to share it with Seto-kun…  
  
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"I'm hungry." Jounouchi groaned, as he, Yugi, Anzu, and Honda made there way through a forest. They had decided to start their journey while they were fresh so they all woke up at 6:00 am, virtual time. This obviously being the freshest time of the day for teenagers as that is when school administrators force them to go to school, or so they say... "And what happened to Kaiba coming along with us?"  
  
"When I went to get him he wasn't in his room." Yugi responded, his mouth full of virtual toast. He felt slightly better now that he'd solved one of three things that weighted heavily on his mind this morning. Toast was definitely the better choice for breakfast. However, the biggest problem was still scratching away at his mind or it could have been Jounouchi who scratching at Yugi's leg for some toast. "You know all you had to do was ask, Jounouchi…" Yugi said as he handed his friend his other piece of toast, little tiny pieces of chewed bread flew from his mouth as he spoke.  
  
"Chew first, Yugi." Anzu winced, as Yugi quickly swallowed. "Now remind me again why we left Bakura-kun?" Anzu finished now that Yugi's chewed bread wasn't protruding from his mouth.  
  
"We didn't leave him." Yugi started, sweat dropping as Anzu raised an eyebrow and looked at him disapprovingly. "Okay we technically we did leave him, but for a good cause. He needs to continue his role as princess until we find the real one."  
  
"That and Yami no Yugi's afraid of his yami." Jounouchi added, as Yugi sweat dropped, hoping that his spirit hadn't heard that. Unfortunately for Jounouchi, he did, but was too preoccupied with something to bother to yell at him for it right now. What he was doing I'm not going to bother to go into right now for more things that have to do with the plot are being explored.  
  
"So then why didn't we tell him the plan?" Honda asked, as Yugi blinked.  
  
"Why are we asking me all the questions?" Yugi asked, slightly irritated at the fact that #1) he didn't have a logical answer for what he did and #2) that he was being asked for a logical answer for what he did and #3) he still didn't know if his hairstyle was weird.  
  
"You're the leader, it's our jobs as friends to nag you about this stuff." Anzu replied, as the other two nodded.  
  
"Ah…"  
  
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"I know you're somewhere around here you little menace…" Shizuka whispered menacingly, as she crawled through the ventilation system, broom in one hand flashlight in the other. "And you will not get Mr. Kaiba's technology!" Her light brown hair was tinted a shade of gray as the ventilation system had not been cleaned in a while now. "Ew… dead bugs…" She groaned taking a crawl back and going down an alternative route. "Eek! Live bugs! Live bugs!"  
  
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Meanwhile with Malik and company a much different conversation was taking place. A intriguing and remarkable discussion indeed…  
  
"I saw the most disturbing thing in the store the other day." Malik started, as Rishid blinked. This was a topic changer.  
  
"What was it?" Isis asked, as curious as her step-brother.  
  
"A Yugi plushie!" Malik exclaimed, as both Isis and Rishid blinked, amazed.  
  
"A what?" Isis asked, wondering if she'd heard right. Her ears still rang slightly from when her brother had made that loud banging sound in them earlier on so she was beginning to wonder if she was slowly going to go deaf.   
  
"It would seem that after Yugi defeated me," Malik coughed before carrying on. A cough that sounded suspiciously like 'I will get him back,' but a cough none the less. "It seems that he has become rather popular."  
  
"Amazing! Yugi-kun is a celebrity." Isis commented as Malik sweat dropped. Was he the only one who still held a grudge against his rival?  
  
"I'm surprised that it was only $2.50." Rishid added, taking out a Yugi plushie from his lent out cloak. Malik gawked horrified.  
  
"Why did you buy that thing?!" Malik screeched, much to the dismay of Rishid. His face faltered as he realized he'd displeased his master.  
  
"A plushie of Yugi-kun is only $2.50?" Isis asked, taking it from Rishid's hands to inspect it.  
  
"Shut up Isis." Malik snarled, hatred burning furiously in his violet eyes.  
  
"No." Isis remarked whacking him upside the head. "It so cool Rishid! Can I have it?"  
  
"Of course Isis-sama!" Rishid responded as Malik continued to fume.  
  
"Kill it." He growled to Rishid, who blinked.  
  
"But it's not alive." He defended as Isis continued to hug it. She had grown quite fond of Yugi-kun, as he had helped save her brother from being swallowed up by the darkness and all.  
  
"So then get me one so I can throw darts at!"  
  
"I second the motion of the mortal in purple." All heads turned to where Bakura stood, crooked smile on his face, Sennen Ring glowing furiously. This was not Bakura as everyone soon deducted, but the spirit that resided with in his own magical pendant, Yami no Bakura. (Note: Since Yugi and friends still insist on calling Yami no Bakura, Bakura, I am bound to follow the same suit. It won't get to confusing though, I think you can tell by personality which Bakura is which.)  
  
"First of all his name is Malik-sama, to you." Rishid responded, as Bakura's smirk widened.  
  
"I know that, and I think that Malik will do." He cackled, as Isis tried to hide her giggling.  
  
"Second of all why are you wearing a dress?!" She barely choked out before breaking down into a fit of laughter, Malik and Rishid soon joining her. Indeed Bakura was wearing a rather womanly pink dress, with white frills and matching pink shoes. This outfit on one as evil and sadistic as Yami no Bakura was rather funny, considering.  
  
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Bakura shouted, stamping his foot repeatedly as they all slowly regained their composure and eventually Isis's remaining giggles died down.   
  
"Well are you going to tell us, or let us imagine how you came across that outfit on our own?" Malik asked, smiling, as Bakura flinched. Ra only knew what evil conclusions Malik would come up with; most of them probably involving chains, whips, leather… and Pharaoh…  
  
"Alright alright! It all started this morning when my host woke up to find that the others had ditched him." He paused, almost as if he was waiting for something to happen. "Ahem!" He cleared his throat, looking upwards. Then I realized he wanted a flashback scene so I made the screen go all fuzzy. A single piece of paper floated down from the sky reading, "Happy now?" He though about it for a second. "Yes actually. Now back to the flashback." He cleared his throat and went on with his story. "Like I was saying, it all began this morning…"  
  
Flashback-  
  
Bakura woke, in his frilly, light blue pajamas; the maids had got to him again last night. He silently cursed himself out for wanting to have anything to do with Virtual Fantasies. As soon as he stood up he was bogged down again with the maids who just popped up from everywhere. Like roaches... If that wasn't disturbing enough, they were all unnaturally perky and could fully function with out the need of caffeine. Shudder… Realizing he was not going to get out of this princess role, he reluctantly dressed himself and then tried to put on his corset. This was a challenge all on its own, but at least now it wasn't choking him. He then proceeded to stumble down the staircase, servants in close pursuit, eventually he tripped over his dress again and flipped down the rest of the stair, but that's not really important. What is important was the fact that Yugi-kun, Seto-kun and the others were no where to be found.  
  
"Where could they have possibly gone?" Bakura asked, his pace quickening as he looked into each and every room; his pixie companion following along with 20 young women. "You don't think they-" He started, stopping in his tracks, and bring his hand to his mouth. "You don't think they left me here do you?" He turned to his friend, who also went into a deep thought.  
  
"Why would you think that's so hard to believe?" Bakura blinked, that didn't sound like a pixie's voice. To be honest it sounded a lot like- " That's right Bakura-kun… I'm ba-a-a-a-ck…" Bakura's eyes widened horrified, recognizing the voice, fully.  
  
"Other I?!" He squeaked, a chill ran down his spine as his other self replied.  
  
"Yeah… Your supposed friends dumped you here."  
  
"You don't know that." Bakura defended, throwing his hands on his hips.  
  
"Do they have to spell it out for you?" Yami no Bakura sighed at his other's denial.  
  
"They did not leave me!" Bakura argued out loud, which confused the following servants and made them think that their princess had lost her mind.  
  
"Apparently they do have to spell it out for you." He growled, taking control of half of Bakura's body and leading him into a near by room. To be specific, Yugi's room. "Look here." Giving his other back his body, Yami no Bakura watched as Bakura picked up a piece of paper.  
  
"Dear Bakura-kun. We have left you. -Yugi." He blinked, rereading, not noticing that the note looked extremely similar to his own handwriting. "You mean they really did abandon me?!" Bakura asked confused as his other smirked.  
  
"See I told ya."  
  
"B-but… But why?!" Bakura asked, as his other appeared, transparently, beside him.  
  
"They never liked you. They were afraid of you. Of me." Bakura remained silent as his other smiled, wickedly. "I can sense an anger building up in you. An anger aimed towards them, perhaps?" His lighter half didn't speak. "We can get them back you know, but you have to work with me, understand?"  
  
"I understand."  
  
-End flashback  
  
"And that's how it all happened!" Bakura responded, smirking at his well thought out plan.  
  
"So you wrote the note?" Isis asked, blinking.  
  
"Yes. I am brilliant aren't I?"  
  
"You made Bakura turn to the side of evil?! How cruel!" Isis shouted throwing the closest object available at the dark Bakura. It happened to be the Yugi plushie Rishid have given to her. Bakura caught it easily.  
  
"What the hell is this thing?" He asked, holding it by one arm and poking at it.  
  
"Yugi plushie. Rishid bought it for $2.50. And I know you're light is in complete denial about his friends, but I didn't think he was that gullible. What part of that story did you purposely leave out?"  
  
"That's none of your business." Bakura growled, as Malik though of sick and twisted blank fillers. Rolling his eyes, Bakura chucked the plushie back to Isis who quickly caught it.  
  
" I don't believe that's what happened. Sounds more like you got drunk and then played a dress up game with Pharaoh before getting lai-ACK!" Before Malik could finish his sentence Bakura was on him, throwing fists and biting him violently. Malik quickly unsheathed his rod as a defense. "Ow stop it!" (I just realized I made another sick rod joke… - -;)  
  
"Now that I think about it, I don't like this idea of Yugi-kun being a plushie." Isis said after a few minutes of thoughtful thinking.  
  
"Why?" Rishid asked, pulling Bakura and Malik away from one another, the two flailed around like fish in an attempt to get free so they could pummel each other again.  
  
"People are making money off the Pharaoh's Hikari. Yugi's not property to be sold! Although $2.50 is quite the bargain…"  
  
"But Yugi is property Isis-sama. Takahashi-sama owns him along with you, me, Malik-sama, and even him." Rishid said, pointing at Bakura who was still hanging by the back of his shirt.  
  
"'Him' has a name you know." He said hopelessly, knowing full well that Rishid was just going to ignore him.  
  
"But I don't want people to make people off of Yugi!"   
  
"I think it's already happened. It's a TV show. It's called Yu-Gi-Oh." Malik added, as Rishid set him back down. He stuck his tongue out at Bakura who was still unable to touch his feet to the ground which caused Bakura's temper to flare and him to flail around again.   
  
"Really? But I don't like Yugi being a plushie. People do all kinds of weird things to plushies." Isis began her face darkening. Malik blinked at the change of the mood.   
  
"Isis is getting creepy again…" Malik said, slowly taking a step backwards to hide behind Rishid.  
  
"Like what?" Bakura asked sarcastic.  
  
"People… people sleep with plushies…"  
  
"I hope they take showers." Rishid gasped, as both Bakura and Malik rolled their eyes.  
  
"People… play dress up with plushies…"  
  
"People also play dress up with Bakur-ack!" It was at this time that Malik experienced just how painful a silky pink high heeled shoe felt when Bakura jammed it into his jaw.  
  
"Shut up!" Bakura growled, as Malik rolled around on the ground holding his jaw. The evil spirit grinned satisfied.  
  
"People… play catch with plushies…" Isis continued, ignoring her brother's whimpering.  
  
"That's plushie abuse!" Rishid said, dropping Bakura flat on his ass out of sheer shock of what people did to plushies, of course, "They could give it a concussion!"  
  
"You…" Bakura growled, as his anger started to turn to rage. "YOU IDIOTS! Plushies aren't real! They don have feelings! That's why they are plushies! PLUSH! PLUSH THINGS DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO TO THEM!" He shouted, furious at the fact that he had joined the stupidest group in the entire story and that's even counting the Jounouchi factor in Yugi's group.  
  
  
  
"You seem very knowledgeable in the area of plushie psychology. Were you once a plushie in your past life?" Isis asked, turning back to her normal self… well as normal as Isis can get, anyway.  
  
"NO! I was the King of Thieves!" Bakura shouted, jumping to his feet, outraged at such an accusation. Him, a soft and huggable stuffed plush doll?!  
  
"Isn't that a Disney movie?" Isis asked, as Bakura did a classic anime trip, landing square in his face. "That's it… I've had enough…"  
  
"The bottom line is you DON'T want plushies made to look like you. It's a health hazard." Rishid summed up as Isis blinked.  
  
"Does that mean I have to get rid of mine? I already named him Yugi." Isis said, snuggling it lovingly.  
  
"I think his name was already Yugi."  
  
"Yeah that's true." Isis sighed, shoving the plushie back into Rishid's coat pocket as Rishid grabbed both Malik and Bakura, who both couldn't find the ability to walk, and dragged them off.  
  
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"Well that's the last of them." Mokuba said, throwing another miniature plushie into a rather large black bag. In his excavation of the bathroom he'd managed to find two video cameras, 10 plush minis of me, and two fan girls hiding underneath the sink, that then proceeded to glomp Mokuba mercilessly. He climbed his way back into the ventilation system and closed the lid, so that no one would be too suspicious. He continued his mission, ending up in his own room, the attic, the torture chamber specially designed for Yami no Yugi, until he made it back to his brother's room. "Damn it!" He choked, crawling around the old vents caused a lot of dust to stir up, his black hair was now tinted an odd gray color which made him look almost identical to Bakura-kun. Almost. He continued a little ways more, before getting totally frustrated and flustered. "This is ridiculous! There is no way to get into that computer room! It's impossible!" He banged his fist against the bottom of the vent, an odd creaking sound echoed through-out. Now I'd like to remind you that earlier in the paragraph I mentioned that the vents were old thus implying that they weren't as strong as they used to be. "Oh crap…" And with those words the bottom of the ventilation system gave in sending Mokuba crashing to the ground below.  
  
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What is it with these Kaiba brothers and heights? Will Yugi ever figure out if his hairstyle is weird? Will Yami no Bakura ever change out of that pink dress? None of these questions and more will be answered in the next installment of FANTASY!  
  
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Yugi Plushie: No plushies were hurt in the making of this chapter. ^-^ 


	9. I got a present!

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
January 6, 2003  
  
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A/n:  
  
*looks in mail box* I feel quite hurt. *lip quivers*  
  
(Kelly: You'll get over it. I've gone moths without getting new reviews and look how I turned out.)  
  
Okay… now I feel quite hurt and slightly scared… Good thing Spyder let me borrow her Chibi Seto! *Snuggles Chibi Seto*  
  
Chibi Seto: *blink* …  
  
(Kelly: You didn't reenact one of your perverted Seto fantasies on him did you?)  
  
Not yet. Why?  
  
(Kelly: You're sick… I thought that was why he wasn't talking.)  
  
- -; Are you implying that I would scar him for life?  
  
(Kelly: Implying? Who needs to imply? We've got living proof! I'm a perfect example of your corruption!)  
  
True… so I guess getting no reviews for months isn't the only reason you're such a freak.  
  
(Kelly: Yeah… *stops* Hey! Wait a second! I'm not- *fizzes out*)  
  
Ah much better. I should have shut the mind link off a long time ago, would have saved me some Authoress Notes Space. ^-^  
  
Chibi Seto: *mimics YnKN* ^-^  
  
*heart melts* Aw… here you can do the disclaimer!  
  
Disclaimer: *doesn't know what to say* … *does only thing he currently knows how to do* ^-^  
  
Perfect! That was the best disclaimer telling everyone that I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh I've ever heard! *hugs her chibi*  
  
Chibi Seto: ^-^ * one very happy chibi*  
  
- Yami no Kelly N.  
  
-(Kelly Noel)  
  
With a special appearance by Chibi Seto whose is currently on loan from Spyder's Web's Chibi for A Day  
  
  
  
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Recap:  
  
  
  
No one reviewed so you don't deserve a recap! *sticks tongue out and pulls down right eye lid* NYAH! *stops* Okay fine… the Seto Chibi talked me into it. *proceeds with recap*  
  
  
  
Yami no Bakura (and Bakura) joined Malik, Isis and Rishid and had a very interesting conversation about plushies. Particularly Yugi plushies. There were some sick rod jokes… Bakura in pink… Malik experiencing how painful pink heels are… and we found out Isis watches the occasional Disney movie.  
  
Seto… well Seto's mysteriously disappeared which odd considering he is the star of this fic… - -;  
  
Yugi's trying to figure out if his hair really is weird. Honda misses Bakura. Jounouchi's tired and hungry… what else is new, and Anzu hasn't really done much yet, except question Yugi insistently.  
  
Shizuka decided that someone should really clean out the vents and Mokuba might be dead. ^-^  
  
I went a little insane on this chapter… no reviews really does make a person feel twisted…  
  
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I think we'll start off with Seto, seeing as how he hasn't been in the last chapter and had minor parts ever since chapter three. This just proving I have a short attention span, anyways, earlier in the day it had become known that our favorite brooding bishie had gone missing from his room. Yugi being the first to notice this was far too busy contemplating if he should have pancakes or toast for breakfast to realize that this may have been serious. I'll forgive him though, he made a good decision regarding the breakfast thing in the end, toast is way better than pancakes, but back to the point, it being that Kaiba-kun was gone. No one knew where. No one knew how. And no one knew what evil he was plotting…  
  
"How the hell could I have possibly gotten lost in my own game?" Seto asked, standing in the middle of a thick forest, much like Yugi and company. "And why did I insist on putting so many damn trees in this forest?" For purely my entertainment alone, and the fact that my Seto chibi likes to wear shiny objects, he'd gone out of character and put on his new gaming outfit. A white cloak with a rather realistic blue eyes head wrapped around his neck. He wore bluish white armor underneath his cloak, as this story is rated PG-13. After cursing himself out for getting lost, almost coincidentally a young teenaged girl with whitish purple hair and bright blue eyes appeared from behind the brush, tapped him on the shoulder, and then proceeded to almost give him a heart attack.  
  
"What the hell are YOU doing here?!" He shouted, turning and recognizing the girl fully. She blinked, confused. It was the girl from his Battle City vision, the one who laid in his arms before a giant stone tablet, with the Blue Eyes White Dragon engraved upon it. Don't ask me how he managed to recognize her, considering he only saw a brief glimpse of her which didn't involve her face in anyway, but for all extensive purposes he knows her.  
  
"Master Seito is something wrong?" She asked, brushing a few strands of her hair from her face. Seto blinked, oh no… another crack pot like Isis…  
  
Then somewhere in the depths of another forest, Isis sneezed.  
  
"Who are you?" He asked, trying to gather his thoughts. Was this really the BEWD girl he'd seen in his vision or another person who had entered the virtual reality game? He didn't remember programming her into the game, but it was quite possible that someone else had done it considering that short period of time that that dolt Pegasus had found out the password to his computer.  
  
The somewhere in the depths of Duelist Kingdom, Pegasus sneezed.  
  
"You're faithful servant, Master Seito." She said smiling, it was a cute and seemingly innocent smile, reminding Seto of Mokuba. Ah… Mokuba… the reason he came to this virtual world to begin with. I, the authoress, almost forgot about that brat…  
  
Then somewhere in the depths of the Kaiba Mansion, Mokuba sneezed.  
  
Going against his normal cold and suspicious demeanor he decided that perhaps this strange girl could be trusted after all, then he came to his senses. "Aright, if you truly are my servant answer this question as only one who could answer it should work for me." The girl blinked, as Seto cleared his throat and began.   
  
"Sam's shoe size is ¼ the number of minutes it took Li Hua to wash her sheepdog. The number of players on the Lizard City Tiddlywinks team is seven more than the amount of rutabagas Carlos grows in his window box. Talasi's golf score is one less than three times the amount of parakeets in the Lizard City Zoo. The number of sour notes Marie hit while playing "Ramona" on her saxophone is six less than six times the number of avocados Max put in his guacamole. Half of Talasi's golf score plus ten is three times the number of minutes it took Li Hua to wash her sheepdog. The number of players on the Lizard City Tiddlywinks team is one less than four times the amount of avocados Max put in his guacamole. The amount of rutabagas is five less than two times Sam's shoe size. If Marie hit twenty-four sour notes while playing "Ramona" on her saxophone, how many parakeets are in the Lizard City Zoo?"   
  
The girl blinked, totally confused as Seto smirked all knowingly, this was why he didn't have to hire any new employees lately. Now if I have any readers even left I want you to take the time to actually answer this question as I have the answer right next to me. And yes, there actually is an answer.  
  
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"Ah so the point of the game is to save this princess for the good guys?" Isis asked, as Bakura nodded. The good Bakura, as he had also decided to be a Benedict Arnold and joined Malik's team of Evil, Chaos, and Darkness. "So it must be our job to do what exactly? We don't have the princess so we didn't steal her." Isis said, taking away Bakura's normal job of stating the obvious.   
  
"Well, no duh, Isis." Malik sighed, rather frustrated, in a tone that would make anyone feel rather dumb. She frowned.  
  
"You don't have to be rude Malik and if you're so smart then you tell us what we're supposed to be doing, as you failed to read the instruction manual to the game before turning it on."  
  
"Not sure, but you definitely have the evil rambling part down to an art form, sis." He mumbled, as she tried to refrain from choking him. Isis was not one to get violent, but after listening to three hours of Malik whining in a tone that resembled his English Dub voice, you would want to strangle him too.  
  
"Malik do you have to talk like that? You're voice makes such an unpleasant sound." Bakura asked, being as polite as possible. Malik glared at him, his eyes barely bordering on the sanity line.  
  
"I wouldn't talk about dub voices if I were you 'England.'" Suddenly Bakura's left eyelid started to twitch, as Yami no Bakura regained control.  
  
"I don't have half as many fan sites complaining about my dub voice! People want to chop off their ears and put them in the blender every time they hear you go off on one of your tangents!" Yami no Bakura growled, as Malik's eyes narrowed to a dangerous level.  
  
"Well, at least I don't sound like I swallowed the blender!" Just as Yami no Bakura was about to rip out Malik's vocal cords, Rishid noticed something. Fortune smiles down on Malik…  
  
"Hey, what are these?" He asked, getting the attention of just about everyone, except Bakura who was busy playing with plushies in his soul room. Hey, it could get lonely in their after spending more time in it than in his actual body, the plushies and the dancing ballerina gerbil poster brightened up the place. Either that or they kept Yami no Bakura out of the soul room. The darker half was never one for stuffed dolls and gerbils frightened him. Especially dancing gerbils in pink tutus…  
  
"They look like duel monster cards." Malik noted, as both Isis and Rishid sighed heavily.  
  
"Oh great another story based on that stupid card game." Both Yami no Bakura and Malik blinked, Okay so this was even more over done than the YGO characters performing a Dickens's Christmas Carol, no matter how warped it came out… Enough bad memories, the point is since Takahashi-sensei has changed the entire theme of the comic to Duel Monsters of course I have to abide by his decision. So suck it up.  
  
"I happen to like that 'stupid card game'." Malik growled, as Rishid assumed the begging for mercy and forgiveness position. Both Isis and Yami no Bakura sweat dropped.  
  
"It would seem that I also have three cards." Isis noted, pulling out her own three monster cards from a pocket.  
  
"Me too." Malik added also pulling out three cards, the others looked at Bakura waiting for his three cards to show up.  
  
"I don't have any pockets in this thing." Yami no Bakura said, as he patted down his outfit looking for anything that might hold cards. "That's not fair! There must be somewhere in this god forsaken outfit where a princess would store cards!" Isis blinked, as the answer came to her.  
  
"Uh… Bakura-kun? I think I might know where your cards are…" The dark spirit stopped and blinked, something told him that this was going to be one more thing he wasn't going to live down…   
  
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"Ow…" Mokuba groaned, sprawled out on the ground of a dark and seemingly empty room. "Well, that wasn't very smart…" He coughed, choking slightly on the dust that had stirred when he collapsed through the ventilation system. He got up from the rubble and brushed himself off, looking around at his surroundings. His eyes went wide as his mouth dropped. "I FOUND IT! I FOUND SETO'S LAIR!" He grinned mischievously, pulling out the photograph. "I have to gain access to the main frame, now what was that new password Seto had to install?" He though for a moment before it hit him. "Oh yeah! It's the answer to that long and tedious question about those parakeets that no one can ever answer. Good thing I'm so good at math, the answer is obviously-"  
  
  
  
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"Thirty one."  
  
"What did you just say?" Kaiba asked, as he turned his head towards the annoying girl who had been following him for a period of time, trying to figure out the answer to his difficult question. She smiled, lovingly, as she once again repeated herself.  
  
"The answer is thirty one parakeets, Master Seito." Seto sighed in disbelief, being a man of his word he was duty bound to let her join him.  
  
"Fine." He growled, as the girl smiled excitedly. "Now be useful and tell me how to get out of this godforsaken forest."  
  
"Why don't you call on your legendary beasts, master?" She asked, as Kaiba-kun blinked disoriented.  
  
"Legendary beasts? What are you talking about?" You know for someone who created this game he certainly doesn't know a lot about it.  
  
"Your three Blue Eyes White Dragons." She responded, pointing to a car holster on his right leg. He looked down and opened the black box, pulling out his three Blue Eyes White Dragon cards. He blinked, how did these get in here? "Master are you sure you're aright? You don't seem like your normal self."  
  
"I'm fine, just explain to me how this works." This apparently was not the game he had designed, or at least it had been heavily altered from what his original design was. He listened carefully as the girl told him how the game worked, what the goal was, and what there particular game plan was. "Hmmm… perhaps these alterations to this game are to my advantage after all," he though out loud, pulling out one of his dragons and summoning it. It appeared before him like the girl had said, and he smiled. What did you say your name was?" He asked, as the dragon got down so the two could ride upon it's back.  
  
"My name?" She repeated, joining him. "I don't remember." He blinked, something about her, other than her physical appearance seemed very familiar. Her blues eyes seemed sadder now, at the mention of her unknown name. He couldn't place it, but her actions resembled some else's he knew in this time period.  
  
"For now you will be addressed as Kouryou."  
  
  
  
"Yes, Master." She responded, smiling. Feeling the ends of his mouth twitching he turned away from her, commanding the dragon to take flight.  
  
Well, that was disgustingly sappy. Something must be wrong with me if I'm hooking up bishie with 'her.'  
  
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Bakura was slightly confused and horrified at the current situation he'd been thrown into. He didn't even know how it happened, he was sitting quietly in his soul room with a nice fire blazing in his room's fire place. He had gotten involved in a similar version of the table top role playing game: Monster World and was actually enjoying his stay in the lonely room for once. He had no clue that what was going on outside his soul room and quite frankly couldn't careless. His yami could suffer a bit in this virtual nightmare, as he tried to recollect his thoughts through his favorite game. Upon the mantel of this kindling fire place rested a few memorabilia; a picture of his full family from a while ago, a stack of unsent letters address to 'Amane,' and a glass container with eight monster world dolls on display. Everything was normal, or at least as normal as things get for our young Bakura-kun, until he felt his yami's grip on his shoulder.  
  
"Your turn!" He shouted, flinging Bakura out of his soul room and back into control of his body, where he then watched as the horror unfolded. Blinking and keeping his calm composure he tried to figure out why exactly Isis now had her hand down the front of his dress.  
  
"Isis… what are you doing?" He asked, trembling. Way too much physical contact for our most naïve and innocent bishie as his face was deep scarlet.  
  
"Getting your cards Bakura-kun." And with that she quickly pulled her hand out revealing three Duel monster cards as Bakura's face remained a cherry color. Malik rolled with laughter at the entire situation as Rishid merely stood, looking at Isis dumbfounded.  
  
"So that's where women keep their most important belongings…"  
  
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I seem to have run out of things to write so… You've read now Review! Apparently I now have to beg. 


	10. Purple vs Lavender and How to Keep a Tal...

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
January 28, 2004- February 19, 2004 (I'm lazy… sue me)  
  
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A/n:  
  
Chibi Seto: *watching Finding Nemo* Squishy…  
  
Disclaimer: Repeat after me, Seto. I love Yami no Kelly Noel so much that I would do anything for her, including buying Yu-Gi-Oh for her, as she doesn't yet own it.  
  
Chibi Seto: Squishy! ^-^  
  
- -; Damn it… I'd slap it into you but you're too cute…  
  
Chibi Seto: O.O  
  
*takes a seat next to him* You know Seto, I noticed something as I sat watching Yu-Gi-Oh earlier.  
  
  
  
Chibi Seto: *looks up at her* Squishy?  
  
Yes, I noticed how sexy you were, but another thing came to mind. Why is it that in this godforsaken thing they call an English Dub, does everyone go to the Shadow realm after they lose a battle? Obviously if you're on top of a glass ceiling and it gives in you are going to plummet to the bottom until you're a nice flat blood covered pancake. No traveling to the shadow realm should be involved! Which brings up another question, my sweet chibi Seto, why is it that the English Dubbers try so hard to look so stupid?  
  
Chibi Seto: *pouty face* Squishy!  
  
Yeah, I guess you're right Seto. Americans are squishy- I mean- stupid. I mean just look at Kelly. She's just as stupid as they come! (And somewhere in the depths of YnKN's mind, Kelly sneezes.) Ah I never get tired of that… *snuggles with Seto Chibi and the two finish watching Finding Nemo*  
  
R. S. M.: *outside in the cold* Curses… that Chibi is taking away our jobs!  
  
Pink: And I caught him eating MY chili! He must be stopped!  
  
Blue: As stupid of a reason that is, Pink's right!  
  
  
  
Red: Kelly wouldn't allow this to go on!  
  
Orange: So then it's settled, we have to go get Kelly from the depths of YnKN's mind!  
  
Pink: And save the chili.  
  
Red: - -; Can someone please shut the he-she up?  
  
- Yami no Kelly N.  
  
- Chibi Seto  
  
- Renegade Scapegoat Muses (R. S. M)  
  
  
  
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Recap:  
  
  
  
I was un-motivated to write last chapter, but now I'm back with a vengeance. Apparently Fan-fiction ate MY reviews. I wonder if the taste was worth me holding a grudge against them forever… When I become dictator of the new world they shall be the first to pay… well after I kill or torture (and then kill) all those bastards that say Malik's shirt is purple… It's lavender you fools! LAVENDER!  
  
Seto met "Kouryou," *gag* (She's not a Mary-sue, I'd kill myself before I sink to that, but that's not her real name either, so don't try to find out about her using that information), Mokuba finally found Seto's lair, Rishid learned a very important lesson about where women keep their "special" belongings, and Bakura-kun has a dancing gerbil poster in his soul room.  
  
Can you see the unmotivated-ness just from the recap? It wasn't even a long chapter which even I find surprising. You know how I love hearing the sound of my own voice reading my brilliance aloud to Kelly's family members, even if I do have to tie them up and gag them to get their attention… ^^  
  
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He was bored. Very bored. He'd just dispatched his own secret plan and waiting for results was a complete waste of his precious time. Precious because he thought so, at least. In the time it had taken him to complete his ingenious plan, he'd won Yu-Gi-Oh the Falsebound Kingdom videogame for the Game Cube, read War and Peace, and found out that he could fit exactly three marbles up each nostril and shoot them off at the wall with freakishly abnormal accuracy. Right… Anyways, as he paced back and forth among the main floor of his current surroundings, he wondered what exactly was going on, on the outside. Finally, sick and tired of wondering, he took the incentive.  
  
"Yugi, I'm taking over!"  
  
"Bu-"  
  
"No buts about it! You've had control over the body for the last month and you ruined my grandiose speech on world domination! My turn!" And with those words of astounding stupidity, Yami no Yugi took control over Yugi's body only to see Anzu and Jounouchi at each other's throats again.  
  
"What's with them?" He asked, as Honda looked down to meet Yugi's glance, one eyebrow raised.  
  
"What do you mean 'what's with them?' The same thing that's been with them for the last 24 hours!" Honda paused. "You know I just realized that this entire timeline doesn't even make sense. How could we possibly be in a virtual game at an arcade for 24 hours? Don't we need real food and water before our real bodies shrivel up and die? Not to mention the fact that the Arcade closes at 11:00 pm, we had school today and-" Honda stopped, as a piece of paper fluttered down from the sky. Catching it he read it aloud. "How do you keep a talkative idiot busy for hours? Flip to find out. -YnKN." Curious as to how you do keep a talkative idiot busy for hours, Honda flipped only to see the same confusing message. He then proceeded to continue flipping the paper over and over still unable to figure out how you keep a talkative idiot busy for hours.  
  
Yami no Yugi blinked, okay so a lot more had gone on then he had realized, even though he'd been out for a full two hours previous to Yugi waking up. You think he would have noticed the scenery change, but then again this is Yami no Yugi we are talking about…  
  
"Look you two, you're gonna have to talk your problems out." Yami no Yugi commanded, as Jounouchi and Anzu stopped, looking at him, each raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Already tried that one." Honda added, still not taking his eyes off the sheet of paper, continuing to flip it on the occasion. "Curse you…" He muttered, causing Yami to raise and eyebrow.  
  
"Right… well you don't have the power that the former pharaoh of Egypt has! I command you two to stop this senseless bickering and talk this out like civilized adults!" Yami no Yugi commanded, striking a grandiose pose. To be honest he looked rather stupid, but if only one person could pull off looking royal and stupid at the same time it would have to be Yami no Yugi. To say the least his rather idiotic demand and pose caused both immature teenagers to stop. Jounouchi's biting ceased as did Anzu's clawing at her rival's face, as Yami smirked and turned back to Honda. "Being Pharaoh rocks."  
  
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Now I think we'll return to Malik's little group of Chaos, Evil, Darkness, and cross dresser.  
  
"I think I just got degraded again," Bakura scowled, as Isis sweat dropped, "and do you hear something?" Indeed there was a rather noticeable rustling sound from the bushes bordering the selected path.  
  
"I'll investigate." Rishid said, taking the incentive to make sure that both Isis and Malik weren't hurt. He really couldn't care about the cross dresser.  
  
"Wait. It could be dangerous." Isis said, as Malik rolled his eyes.  
  
"Everything's dangerous with you! Going outside is dangerous. Reading a magazine is dangerous. Eating a popsicle is dangerous!" Malik shouted, as Isis' temper flared.  
  
"Hey! May I remind you that it was because we went outside that Yami no Marik was born, and may I remind you that, that magazine fuelled your anger towards father which caused you to STAB him?!" Isis shouted right back as Malik merely shrugged.  
  
"Explain the popsicle."  
  
"He gave it to you." Isis replied pointing towards Bakura. "Did you really think that after what you did to him in Battle City you could trust taking a popsicle from him?" Bakura smiled innocently, while he silently cursed out Isis for ruining his plans of revenge.  
  
"Don't worry about it Hikari." Yami no Bakura began, opening the mental link again, "We'll just add her to the torture/kill list when we rule the world."  
  
"You be quiet!" Bakura mentally shouted in a huff, closing the mind link.  
  
"He's getting to be too much like me… looks like I'll have to bring out the chains, whips and leather pants again…" And with that Yami no Bakura went back to screwing up Bakura RPG, eating chips, and drinking beer. Unaware of the pure evil thriving underneath his Hikari's soul room couch…  
  
"But it was grape flavored! I love grape!" Malik continued to argue, upset at the loss of the precious, perfect, pretty, purple, popsicle pitifully and pointlessly destroyed at the pulpy pronouncement of the preppy pinhead Isis. Man that's a lot of "P's"…  
  
"Well that's because you're weird! Everyone knows that strawberry is the best flavored popsicle! And you only like grape because it's the same color as your sluttish purple hoodie, because you dress like a man whore!"  
  
"Not again…" Rishid sighed, yanking on his ponytail, aggravated.  
  
"It's lavender! LAVENDER I SAY! Not PURPLE!" Malik screeched, missing the entire man whore comment.  
  
"I thought Yugi was the one that dressed like the man whore." Bakura thought absent mindedly as his yami tuned back into the link.  
  
"What the hell is a man whore?" He thought-out loud to himself, as a great evil crawled out from under the couch.  
  
"I don't know, homie B. I'm not hip, with these kids new lingo, yo." The great evil responded, smirking slightly.  
  
"… whatever dawg." Yami no Bakura mumbled, taking a sip of his drink, before spitting it clear across the room. "What the-" He quickly jumped up from his seat only to be face to face with-  
  
  
  
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"Mokuba please tell me you're not going to stay up all night playing the Sims again. You crashed my hard drive last time." Seto's computer practically whined as she watched her owner's younger brother pound on her keys. Mokuba furrowed his brow.  
  
"Silence! I demand silence!" He shouted, banging his hands on the keyboard. "And do you know how long it took for me to get Sim Yami in the same bed as Sim Anzu?! Do you!? DO YOU!?"  
  
"…"  
  
"Well let me tell you," Mokuba began, calming down slightly, "You can lead a horse to water, but-"  
  
"You can't change it's spots! Don't I know it Moky!" Mokuba turned around, an eyebrow raised, only to see Shizuka take a seat right next to him, wide eyed and perky.  
  
"Not exactly what I was going to say, but okay…" Mokuba sweat dropped. "Wait a second, Shizuka how the hell did you get down here?"  
  
"Well let me think." Shizuka stopped, pausing to think for a moment. "Ah! Well first I heard this odd thumping sound in the ventilation system and of course I knew it was squirrels, so I climbed into the ventilation system but then I got lost but I still knew the squirrel was out there and I couldn't let it get to Mr. Kaiba's technology or the world might blow up and then I got attacked by those scarab beetles- hey is that the Sims!? Moky can I play?!"  
  
"NO!" Mokuba practically bellowed into Shizuka's ear.  
  
"Meanie and after I shined and polished all your dolls too!"  
  
"Action figures! They're action figures!"  
  
"Sure… call them "Action Figures" if you must. But tell me little Moky, what special action figure ability does Malibu Barbie have? Hmmm? Special Bikini-"  
  
"I'm still an innocent you know." Mokuba said, clasping his hand over the maid's mouth.  
  
"Sorry." And so a moment of heavy silence hovered over the area.  
  
"…"  
  
"…"  
  
"…"  
  
"… so… Moky… come here often?"  
  
And then Mokuba proceeded in banging his head against the monitor! Again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again- (hits self and jump starts) Crap! Why do I keep doing that?! … well to make a long story short there was a lot brain cell damage on Moky's part. Let's go back to Yami's group shall we?  
  
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"Hey I commanded you two to stop! Stop I say! STOP!"  
  
"NEVER! SHE WILL PAY!"  
  
"NEVER! HE WILL PAY!"  
  
"CURSE YOU, YOU ACCURSED PAPER! TELL ME HOW TO KEEP A TALKATIVE IDIOT BUSY FOR HOURS! TELL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
… … …  
  
  
  
Or maybe not… how about Malik's group?  
  
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"PURPLE!"  
  
"LAVENDER!"  
  
"PURPLE!"  
  
"LAVENDER!"  
  
I think I need another plot device… how about Kaiba's group?  
  
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"Oh master Seito?"  
  
"Yes?" Seto asked, feeling very mighty and powerful on top of his favored dragon. Wait… did that sound wrong? Damned lemons… Jounouchi should have never had that chocolate mousse with Seto! It tainted my mind! Oh wait where were we?  
  
"Do you hear something? It sounds like arguing of some sort." Kouryou asked, looking down to the forest below.  
  
"No, Kouryou. I don't hear a thing." Seto obviously lied, a deaf man could hear the screaming those idiots were putting out.  
  
"Are you sure, master? I find the screaming and bellowing of what seems to be a former pharaoh very distracting." Kouryou added as the corners of Seto's mouth twitched slightly.  
  
"Former pharaoh?" He repeated. "You did say former pharaoh, correct?"  
  
"Why yes master Seito! His whiny screaming reminds me of OUR OWN former pharaoh who liked to hide in pots as a child!" Kouryou exclaimed, clasping her abnormally pale hands together, as her blue eyes sparkled excitedly.  
  
"Right…" Seto grinned, a familiar insane smirk started top work it's way onto my bishie's face. "Shall we go down and have a look?"  
  
"But master? What happened to collecting an army of strong monsters for your beloved and favored brother?" Kouryou asked, apparently that's what Seto and "she" had been doing since his disappearance in the last chapter.  
  
"Ah… Mokuba…" Seto remembered, but his mouth continued to twitch along with his fingers. The silent calling of revenge was slowly taking over his brain as every defeat Yami no Yugi handed to him flooded back slowly… painfully… "Mokuba who?" And so Kaiba took his dragon down so he could have the taste of victory flood his mouth, with no chocolate mousse involved, thank you!  
  
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"What are you doing back? And why are you in MY Hikari's soul room? How long have you been in here? What have you seen you FIEND!?!?!?!?!?" Yami no Bakura was freaking out to say the least. The ultimate evil had taken a seat on HIS Hikari's couch and Ra only knew how long he'd been in here.  
  
"I'm going to create a body that I can inhabit. Your Hikari's an unobservant dolt, I could hide here undetected. Since Pharaoh beat me in Battle City. And I've seen those leather pants in action. Animal…"  
  
"You just can't make a body out of thin air! It's physically impossible!" Yami no Bakura shouted, rather outraged.  
  
"But I've seen it done. Like in those fics, where you beat Bakura senseless with hot pokers until he can barely breathe, let alone move."  
  
"Hot pokers you say? Interesting concept…" Yami no Bakura mused, stroking his chin in thought, "But no! You can't just make a body. Any moron can see that."  
  
"Well, maybe I'm not just any moron." The ultimate evil said, putting his feet on the couch and grinning.  
  
"You're right, you're a FIENDISH MORON! And get your feet off the couch, Bakura just vacuumed."  
  
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Will Yami ever get Anzu and Jounouchi off each other? Will Honda ever figure out how to keep a talkative idiot busy for hours? Will Bakura ever figure out if Yugi is a man whore? Will Isis and Malik ever agree on what color Malik's slutty hoodie is? Will Rishid ever get anything accomplished in this fantasy? Will Mokuba ever stop hitting his head against the monitor? Will Shizuka ever be able to play the Sims? Will Seto ever get his rematch? Will the ultimate evil ever be revealed? Will Yami no Bakura have to buy new cushions for Bakura's soul room couch?   
  
Who knows and who the hell cares?! I'm hot and sexy and that's all that matters! Sticks and Stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me! Yay! ^____________________________^  
  
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R. S. M: *somehow got into YnKN's soul room* YnKN's mind is a very scary place… *terrified* 


	11. Deal with the devil, or close enough to ...

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
February 19, 2004   
  
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A/n:  
  
Hey look I'm back and I still have squat reviews!  
  
Chibi Seto: *whimper* T-T *cry*  
  
See look what you did, you non-reviewing bastards! You made MY SETO CRY!  
  
Chibi Seto: Disclaimer- *sniffle* T-T  
  
It's really sad when a chibi sniffles when he tells the readers about how an authoress doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh. That usually makes them very, very happy! However I'd like to take the time to thank the people who DID review, so far! *pulls out a disgustingly short list*  
  
- Katia-chan: It's not that Kaiba can't have chocolate other than candy bars, its just he can't have them with Jounouchi in the graphic manner I read about! With me in place of Jounouchi, however, is a different story ENTIRELY. ^-^ *throws her a Bakura plushie* And keep your mind out of the gutter, Kelly says you don't wanna get as bad as me. I have no idea WHAT she meant by THAT, but don't worry I'm making her suffer… *chuckle*  
  
  
  
- Shadow Ishtar: Ah… my ever so faithful reviewer… What can I say? *throws her a Malik plushie* Oh and Malik says hi.  
  
  
  
- Jewel Valentine: Thank you for alerting me of Fanfiction.net's evil deed. They shall pay… oh how they will pay… *evil smirk*  
  
- Inu-Michirure: … *throws her a Jounouchi plushie and some Ritalin* You need that more than Marik Muse anyways…  
  
- Cherry Delight: You love my fic? Really? That's what I want to hear! Too bad you stopped reviewing at chapter 4... *sigh* T-T  
  
- Angel of Angst: Ah you also like my fic? ^-^ I wrote more, but your nowhere to be seen… T-T  
  
- Dragon of Moonshine: It was funny wasn't it? Torturing Baku-chan is a talent… but you didn't get to see what else I did to him because you also stopped reviewing at chapter 4... T-T  
  
- Dolphinlover6789: I emailed you at least three times and still nothing… *sniffle* but my story is great! ^-^  
  
-DHASN: Nah un sister, Seto's MINE and MINE alone! *bares her fangs* But thanks for your review, and you really need to update your "YGO Cast Meets The Evil Spellchecker" story. You're almost as lazy as me! Almost.  
  
-Kikoken: I updated I updated! Where are you? T-T  
  
(Meanwhile… Kelly's still alone in her soul room… forced to watch old reruns of American cartoons like He-Man and Mucha-Lucha!)  
  
(Kelly: MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! AGH! *hears a knocking on her door* Hmmm?)  
  
*chucks the fanfiction.net crew in the room* Alright Kelly you can come out now.  
  
(Kelly: Really?!)  
  
Hmmm… nope! *slams door* Heh heh…  
  
(Kelly and fanfiction.net crew: NO! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!)  
  
- Yami no Kelly N.  
  
- Chibi Seto  
  
-(Kelly Noel)  
  
  
  
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Recap:  
  
  
  
I live! And that should satisfy you.  
  
But there's always a whiney brat out there that couldn't care if the Authoress is breathing or comatose just as long as she updates, so I'll give you the low-down homies.  
  
Yami no Yugi's trying to get Anzu and Jounouchi off each other. Honda can't figure out how to keep a talkative idiot busy for hours. Bakura can't figure out if Yugi is a man whore. Isis and Malik can't agree on what color Malik's slutty hoodie is. Rishid will never get anything accomplished in this fantasy. Mokuba refuses to stop hitting his head against the monitor. Shizuka wants to play the Sims. Seto needs to get his rematch. The ultimate evil was re-introduced and Yami no Bakura might have to buy new cushions for Bakura's soul room couch.  
  
Peace out, yo!  
  
(All lingo lessons brought to you courtesy of Yami no Bakura and the "Ultimate Evil"…)  
  
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"Did I ever tell you how much Jounouchi likes Red Bull Energy drink?" Shizuka asked, as Mokuba didn't even bother to look up at her, continuing to follow the orders on the back of the photograph.  
  
"No." Mokuba mumbled, fingers pounding on the keys. Apparently he wasn't a very good typist.  
  
"Well he likes them so very much! One time he had eight, but I told him he should only have two of them, but big brother never listens to me." Mokuba rolled his eyes, trying very hard to tune this annoyance out. "And as he was drinking his seventh one his heart was like 'Don't do it man!' and Jounouchi-kun was like, 'But I want it dude!' but his heart was still like 'Don't do it man!' and Jounouchi was like 'But I want it dude!' but his heart was like 'No man! Don't do it! Don-' and Jounouchi drank it!"  
  
"And the point of this was?" Mokuba asked, checking off the third instruction on the back of the photo and taking a sip of coffee that somehow made it into the lair.  
  
"Well then big brother's heart stopped, just like that!" And Shizuka snapped her fingers as Mokuba sprayed coffee all over the monitor.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Oh but then Jounouchi blinked and said 'Aw crap! NOT AGAIN!' and started pounding himself in the chest until he felt his heart beating again. The he said, 'It's all good.' and went on drinking his eight!"  
  
"Stupidity must be a family trait…" Mokuba growled, wiping his coffee off the computer screen and returning to his work.  
  
"Don't I know it!"  
  
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"So seal me into the body, will you?" The ultimate evil asked, taking a sip from Yami no Bakura's beer bottle. Apparently he'd gotten very comfortable in Bakura's soul room.  
  
"Ha! In your dreams fiend!" Yami no Bakura cackled, shoving the ultimate evil over so he could have a seat on the couch, his fluffy, pink dress poofing everywhere.  
  
"Is that you're new favorite insult or something?"  
  
"Silence! It's no different from when you kept calling Mai, 'Mai Dear'." Bakura (the evil one) defended.  
  
"Hey you just gave away my identity you moron!"  
  
"Oh like as if the readers didn't already know it was you Mariku!" And indeed the cheap $0.99 veil of mystery was ripped off as Yami no Malik, also known as Mariku, also known as Marik was revealed!  
  
"I prefer Marik, if you don't mind. And I've got a sweet deal for you if you seal me into my new body." Bakura's eyes lit up as Marik raised an eyebrow.  
  
"A first name?" Bakura asked, as Marik rolled his eyes.  
  
"No, stupid. Much sweeter."  
  
"There's nothing sweeter than having your own first name. Even in the friggen Manga, Takahashi refused to give me a name! I can't live with just my Hikari's last name! It's not fair! You got a name and you only lasted one season, not even!"  
  
"And don't forget a totally degrading ending to your lengthy and ingenious plot. Man, Takahashi really hates your guts."  
  
"The authoress is going to kill us for foreshadowing." Bakura mused as Marik shrugged.  
  
"We're both dead anyways, so who cares! Now seal me into the body."  
  
"You never told me what I get out of it! FIEND!"  
  
"I can't really tell you. It's more of a showing kinda thing."  
  
"So then show me already." Bakura said aggravated. Then something hit him. "Wait, I take that back. On a perverted level of 1-10 how perverted is this gonna be?"  
  
"Not at all perverted." Marik reassured as Bakura relaxed.  
  
"Oh good. Then just show me and lets get this deal over with."  
  
"I need a body to show you." Marik added, as the other apparition raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Fine, but I'll need some kind of collateral. You're not just getting a body that easily. I don't need you backing out on another one of our deals again."  
  
  
  
"What's collateral?" Marik asked, as Bakura stretched out.  
  
"Bakura said it was when you wanted to loan money out from a bank to make sure they get the money back you give the bank the keys to your car or house." Bakura explained as Marik blinked.  
  
"Wouldn't it just be easier to steal the money and then burn the bank down?"  
  
"That's what I said, but my hikari just refuses to listen to logic…"  
  
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"You know what would be really nice to have right about now?"  
  
"What is it this time Jounouchi?" Yami no Yugi sighed, as he finished applying a bandage to his face. He was still sore with Anzu despite the fact she was still apologizing for accidentally missing Jounouchi and punching him in the cheek.  
  
"I'd really like a Red Bull…" Yami Yugi raised an eyebrow thinking back to that time Jounouchi's heart had given out on him.  
  
"You really never do learn anything, do you?"  
  
"I thought you were on my side!" Jounouchi whimpered, giving Yami no Yugi puppy dog eyes, as he did specialize in them.  
  
"I would reconsider that decision if I wasn't too busy being persuaded by your abnormally large and chibified eyes…" Jounouchi blinked, breaking the mind control over Yami Yugi, and stood up almost looking like he was sniffing the air.  
  
"Hey do you smell that?" Jounouchi asked, as Yami no Yugi snapped out of his trance.  
  
"Smell what?" He asked, blinking.  
  
"That fruity irresistible smell… like some kinda hair product or something." And indeed the scent of a variety of sweet scented smells was slightly noticeable as the former pharaoh wafted the air.  
  
"I think it's coming from over there." And so the two friends peeked there heads over a bush, making sure it was safe.  
  
"Is it me or do those four look familiar." Jounouchi asked, pointing at Malik and Isis who were arguing, Rishid who was trying to break up the fight, and Bakura who was sitting on a rock looking almost stoned, due to confusion over which personality was currently going to take over the body.  
  
"Oh gee Jounouchi, I don't know." Yami no Yugi began rather sarcastically. "I mean they only look exactly identical to Malik, Isis and Rishid Ishtar along with Bakura-kun!" He finished, whispering rather loudly and aggravated.  
  
"I thought they looked familiar!" Jounouchi whispered, snapping his fingers as Yami Yugi sighed and sweat dropped. "Hey, that fruity smell is coming from Bakura!" Jounouchi noted, as Yami no Yugi blinked.  
  
"How do you know?" Yami no Yugi scowled, sore at how stupid this conversation was.  
  
"Trust me. If there's one thing I recognize its how everyone smells."  
  
"Really?" Yami began, a rather amazed look crossed his face. "Honda?"  
  
"Cheap cologne."  
  
"Kaiba?"  
  
"Expensive cologne."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Mmmm… definitely hair gel."  
  
"Really? Hmmm… is it good smelling hair gel?"  
  
"It can get a little over powering at times, but generally yeah."  
  
"Ah…"  
  
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"Lavender! Lavender! Lavender!" Malik continued to scream at Isis.  
  
"Purple! Purple! Purple!" Isis returned.  
  
"It's Lavender, infinity, infinity lock!" Malik said, throwing up his arms as if he'd one a million dollars. "I win!"  
  
"You can't have double infinity!" Isis growled, sourly at her defeat.  
  
"I have ways of making infinity bend down before my will." Malik grinned, smugly.  
  
"No you don-" Isis was silenced as Malik slowly raised his hand.  
  
"Right, now where were we? Ah yes, something's on the other side of that bush and we'd just agreed to go investigate."  
  
"No we didn-" Malik brought his hand up once more to shut Isis up.  
  
"Wait… do you smell that?"  
  
"You mean that irresistible fruity smell coming from HIM?'" Rishid responded, as (the good) Bakura raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I have a name you know and if any of you come near me to smell me I'll have my yami kick your ass. He's been itching for some carnage and I have no problem letting him tear you all to pieces." Everyone blinked at Bakura who quickly coughed. "Erm… I mean… I'd never let my yami hurt any of you!" Everyone went back to whatever they were doing as Bakura sighed. "Heh… none of them any the wiser…"  
  
"No not that, Rishid. Although the aroma is quite irresistible. Nevertheless, it does resemble a hair product like smell, like shampoo or soap or…"   
  
Malik trailed off as all the Ishtars suddenly exclaimed, "HAIR GEL!"  
  
"And where there's hair gel there's PHARAOH!" All three ran over to the bush and looked over to see both Jounouchi and Yami no Yugi.  
  
"Um… hi?"  
  
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"I sense a plot development, I think it would be wise for me to take control now." Yami no Bakura yawned, stretching as he got up from the couch.  
  
"You remember our deal right. I get a body in exchange for my gold earring." And indeed Marik only had one of his flashy gold earrings on his ears, as Yami no Bakura yawned again.  
  
"Yeah yeah. Just shut up for a bit fiend, and I'll get you out of my hikari's soul room." And with that Yami no Bakura dissipated from the room leaving a very disorientated and confused Bakura-kun in his place.  
  
"What the…" Bakura looked at his current surroundings, stopping when his eyes met Marik's. "Oh no… Please tell me you didn't make another deal with him, Yami!" Bakura shouted aloud, hoping his yami heard him. Unfortunately his cry met on deaf ears as Marik flashed a purely evil grin.  
  
"Now Bakura-kun, is that anyway to greet an old friend? And your moronic other half's deals with me are between me and him and are no concern of yours."  
  
"Oh dear…"  
  
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"Hey Yami no Yugi?" Jounouchi began, as both he and the former pharaoh slowly backed away from the approaching group of Chaos, Darkness, and Evil.  
  
"What is it now, Jounouchi?" Yami Yugi asked, hoping it was important. He was trying to think of a way out of this and his best friend's constant interruptions made it difficult for him to think.  
  
"Remember when you asked me what Kaiba smelled like and I responded expensive cologne?"  
  
"Yeah?" Yami responded, wondering what this had to do with anything.  
  
"Well, I smell a very strong scent of expensive cologne!" And with that Jounouchi pointed upwards to where a Blue Eyes White Dragon was closing towards the ground.  
  
"Who's that with him though?" Anzu asked, as Honda, Jounouchi, Yami no Yugi, Isis, Malik, and Rishid all crowded along the side of the forest, watching as Seto Kaiba and his companion finished landing.  
  
"Hello Yugi." Kaiba grinned, as he jumped down from his dragon and landed right in front of the former pharaoh.  
  
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"If he says he can create a body our of thin air, then I guess he can make a body out of thin air…" Yami no Bakura growled, as he jumped off the rock to joined the others, who had grouped just adjacent to him. Suddenly he sensed a violent feeling through the mind link and out of curiosity opened it. "Bakura what are you doing in there?!"  
  
"What do you mean what am I doing?! You made a deal with practically Satan himself! What are you insane?!" Bakura shouted, as Yami no Bakura cringed at the sound. Sure his dub voice may have sounded poor in contrast to others, but nothing compares with a shrieking British kid directly in your ear.  
  
"I am insane thanks, and don't worry about it. This time I got collateral." And with that the ancient spirit held up Marik's shiny gold earring, as if he was showing to it to Bakura himself.  
  
"Why'd you only get one earring?"  
  
"Well you can go out without either earring, but it looks weird when you only wear one. So I only needed one. Plus I left the one that implies he's gay, so he'll be wanting this one back soon." Yami no Bakura chuckled evilly to himself as Bakura sweat dropped.  
  
"Nonetheless your still an idiot for making a deal with him! The don't call him the "ultimate evil" for kicks you know-" Bakura was suddenly cut off, for some odd reason causing Yami no Bakura to blink slightly confused.  
  
"Bakura? … Bakura? Odd…" And with that he slowly attempted to run in high heels, almost falling flat on his face half way over.  
  
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"Ah Kaiba, so we meet again." Yami no Yugi began, stroking his chin as Kaiba merely grinned.  
  
"Yes, and I suppose you know what I want." Seto responded, as Yami no Yugi nodded.  
  
"A duel I'm assuming?" He asked, an intense look fixed its way into his crimson colored eyes as the same determined look flowed through out Kaiba's blue ones.  
  
"As perceptive as ever."  
  
"What'd I miss?" Yami no Bakura panted as he dropped to the ground exhausted, apparently running while wearing a corset wasn't one of his best decisions so far this chapter along with other more obvious ones.  
  
"Nothing much." Malik responded, "It's like one of those kung fu-movies where they get all polite before they rip each other a new ass hole." Malik noted as Jounouchi nodded and Isis shushed them both.  
  
"Idiots…"  
  
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"Ha! I'm on the last step! Now all I have to do is type in the code and place the virtual helmet on my head!" Mokuba grinned as he quickly typed in "N13641O9472A09663H76508," and grabbed the head gear, conveniently located next to the computer.  
  
"Can I come too Moky?" Shizuka asked, Mokuba turned to see a pair of large puppy dog eyes glittering in his face.  
  
"Well it looks like those damned things run in your family too." Mokuba sighed, thinking of Jounouchi's similar pair.  
  
"Yup, too bad for you." And with that the two both placed the helmets on their heads, gasping at what they saw before them.  
  
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Rather bored and extremely tired from running around, Yami no Bakura took this opportunity, while everyone was busy with Kaiba's and Yami no Yugi's exchange of words, to give Marik a body once more. The "ultimate evil" has given him instructions as to how to create a body. Using the soul sealing magic from his Sennen Ring and an ancient Egyptian spell the former king of thieves began his descent along the road of ruin, dragging everyone else along with him… 


	12. The ultimate evil resurrected!

Fantasy  
  
Yami no Kelly Noel  
  
March 21, 2004- April 21, 2004 (I got lost for a month?)  
  
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A/n:  
  
YnKN: *blinks* It's quiet in there… too quiet… I wonder what Kelly and those fan fiction goons are doing…  
  
Chibi Seto: *hugging his BEWD Plushie* ^-^  
  
BEWD Plushie: *squeak*  
  
YnKN: ^-^ Oh who cares… *goes back to playing with Chibi Seto* Wanna do the Disclaimer sweetie?  
  
Chibi Seto: ^-^ *hugs his BEWD*  
  
BEWD Plushie: Disclaimer- *squeak* *squeak* *squeak* *squeak*  
  
YnKN: Yup that should about cover how I don't own YGO.  
  
- Yami no Kelly N.  
  
- Chibi Seto  
  
- BEWD plushie  
  
  
  
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Recap:  
  
Wow… I don't even remember what I wrote… Hold on let me go check chapter 10! *goes digging under Kelly's bed*   
  
(Disappears for a month)  
  
Okies! I'm back! *pulls fungi from her hair* Lemme see…  
  
Through weird coincidences everyone in virtual world has met up. But because of Yami no Yugi's and Seto's heated rivalry all means for Malik, Isis, and Rishid to make trouble for Yugi and company have been put on hold. Meanwhile Shizuka and Mokuba have finally descended into virtual world themselves, ending up in a secret file on Kaiba's main frame. Oh, and Yami no Bakura is attempting to resurrect the ultimate evil!  
  
Man I really left you guys with a cliff hanger this chap… *chuckles evilly*  
  
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Of course as everyone else was in virtual world the Kaiba mansion was left quite defensive-less. Despite the five star defensive system that protected the house, there was still one creature with agile abilities, quick thought capabilities and just general cuteness to get past this high class system. This furry rodent that had been following Mokuba and Shizuka around the ventilation system had now come across the most advanced computer system in the entire world. This system being, of course, the Kaiba Corporation Computer Mainframe. Sliding down a tiny rope, a fuzzy figure emerged from the gaping hole Mokuba left in the ventilation system. It was fully decorated with a tiny black backpack, a full body ninja outfit, and an acorn that could be used as a lethal weapon or a snack if he got hungry.  
  
"This begins a new day." The rodent chittered, a sound so horrible that spell check refuses to acknowledge it. "For we shall help our great master expand his empire beyond the limits of man. Yes, we shall-" But he was cut off from his oddly familiar speech as an accomplice dropped down from the vent and landed next to him.  
  
"Master says to stop ripping off his speech from chapter seven and get on with the plan already."  
  
"Oh fine! Ruin all my fun." And so the two little ninjas skittered over to Kaiba's computer chittering and plotting away…  
  
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"There's only one way to settle this Kaiba!" Yami no Yugi shouted, as the two apparently have still been arguing all this time.  
  
"I guess so!"  
  
"Let's Due-" The two were immediately cut off by Anzu, who immediately put her hands over both their mouths.  
  
"I am sick and tired of the same stupid plot. Kaiba and Yugi duel, Kaiba looses, Yugi gloats and then Kaiba comes up with some insane plot to get revenge. It's rather… boring." Of course, unbeknownst to everyone but Seto-kun, that was the general plot of this story as well and this most certainly was not a boring story, and I, the almighty narrator, know everything.  
  
  
  
"Well then what are we supposed to do?! Have a drinking contest and the one that can hold the most liquor wins?!" Yami no Yugi erupted, upset at the fact that he couldn't pummel Kaiba into the ground with his pure dumb luck- erm I mean skills...  
  
"Actually, that sounds like a pretty good idea." Jounouchi added, thinking of all the evil ways he could take advantage of Kaiba when he was smashed (in a non-lemon fashion mind you…).  
  
"Are you insane?" Seto choked out, using the last bit of patience he had left.  
  
"Running away from a challenge, Kaiba? What are you, some kind of sissy?" Jounouchi taunted, as Kaiba's anger peaked.  
  
"FINE! But only if you take part as well mutt! It's just one more thing I can do better than you!"  
  
"Bring it on! Me and Yugi are gonna kick your ass just like always, right Yugi!?" Jounouchi shouted back, as Yami no Yugi blinked in confusion.  
  
"It's Yugi and I, you illiterate moron." Kaiba snapped back as Jounouchi blinked.  
  
"But I though Yugi was on my team."  
  
"He is, you barbaric dolt." Kaiba sweat dropped amazed, or rather stupefied at how idiot the mutt really was.  
  
"But you just said-"  
  
"Wait what did you just agree for me to do?" Yami no Yugi interrupted, as he was rather confused now himself. Of course no one really cared what Yami thought, at least not in this story.  
  
"Well then it's settled! When we get back home we're going to have a drinking battle!" Anzu shouted, not exactly happy with the choice in game but happy that it involved something other than stupid duel monster cards.  
  
"I'd also like to participate in this game as well." Malik chimed in, seeing it as a great opportunity to defeat Yugi.  
  
"Okay then. Jounouchi and Yugi against Kaiba and Malik!"  
  
"Yay!" Everyone cheered, except for Yami no Bakura who was too busy with his own supreme stupidity to take part in all the normal stupidity everyone else was into.  
  
"He thinks he can make a body… feh!" And so Bakura finished chanting the magic mantra, "You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about." Raising an eyebrow at what he just read he frowned. "Marik this has got to be your stupidest plan yet."  
  
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"Is 'stupidest' even a word?" Marik asked, as he and Bakura (the good one) were enjoying a fresh cup of tea.  
  
"According to spell check, yes. Although it doesn't sound very nice." Bakura replied. "More tea Marik?"  
  
"Hmmm… can I have another crumpet?" Marik asked, as he downed the rest of his tea. Bakura merely smiled and filled up his playmate's tea cup.  
  
"Of course!" And so as the two continued on with their little tea party, Yami no Bakura continued on with the evil plan.  
  
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"Ha! I knew this wouldn't work!" And indeed it hadn't worked at all! There wasn't a single body anywhere!  
  
"You idiot!" Marik shouted to Yami no Bakura mentally. "You have to do the dance too!"  
  
"Oh you've GOT TO BE KIDDING!" Bakura growled, annoyed.  
  
"You want the reward of pure evilness, yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees? THEN DO THE DANCE!"  
  
"You're lucky I'm so greedy…" Bakura growled, as he tried to finish the dance to the best of his abilities.  
  
"Yeah…" Marik sighed, burying his face in his hand. "REAL LUCKY…"  
  
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Meanwhile, Shizuka and Mokuba had come across their own little discovery…  
  
"Oh my god! Do you see what I see?"  
  
"You mean Noah laying on that bed right there?" Mokuba asked, pointing to where Noah Kaiba slept peacefully, waiting for someone to activate his back up file.  
  
"No! Look at the wrinkles in those bed sheets!" Mokuba sweat dropped, yes, stupidity was definitely a family trait for Jounouchi and Shizuka…   
  
After a few minutes of dead silence between the two, Shizuka finally asked the question that was on everyone's mind, "So what's with Yugi's hair?"  
  
… … …  
  
Then she asked the OTHER question that was on everyone's mind, "So what do we do now Moky?" Not exactly knowing what to do, Mokuba pulled out the picture once more. "It says here that only a kiss will wake him up." Shizuka and Mokuba blinked and looked at each other, simultaneously shouting, "You do it! I'm not doing it!"  
  
"There is only one fair way to settle this!" Shizuka announced, as Mokuba blinked.  
  
"And what would that be?"  
  
"Rock Paper Scissors of course." And so the two began there little game…  
  
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" And you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around, that's what it's all about." Yami no Bakura finished, in a dull tone, as he plopped to the ground rather dizzy and nauseas from the ridiculous dance. However, as soon as he landed on the ground a body identical to Malik's, when possessed by Marik, solidified from the earth (fully clothed in his battle city attire, with the exception of one missing earring, incase you little perverted hentai's were wondering).  
  
"I'm going to be sick…" Bakura groaned, but nevertheless sealed Marik's soul from the ring to his newly created body. Marik's eyes shot open as a smirk immediately took its rightful place on his face. He stood up, dusting himself off from the virtual dirt.  
  
"Thank you Yami no Bakura." Marik chuckled, walking away.  
  
"Wait! What about our deal?" Bakura shouted, rather weakly. His head was still spinning, after all.  
  
"I'll be right back with it." Marik responded, as he slowly sneaked behind Malik as silently as a snake. Careful as to not to draw any attention he slowly moved his hand towards the Sennen Rod that rested in Malik's back belt loop. Marik gently brushed away Malik's cape and relieved him of the mystical item. He walked back to where Bakura sat, but he'd forgotten about Rishid.  
  
"Master Malik. I sense 'his' presence here." Rishid started, looking around rather tensely.  
  
"Rishid that's ridiculous. We banished him from my mind along time ago!" Rishid shook his head.  
  
"I don't sense him IN you. His power isn't at all blocked by your kindness, its as if he's come back with a body of his own."  
  
"And he's in the game?" Malik asked, realizing that Rishid was not kidding.  
  
"I fear it to be so."  
  
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"Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!"  
  
"What the heck is that?" Mokuba asked, pointing to Shizuka's hand which held just her index finger.  
  
"Scissors." She responded as if it was obvious.  
  
"That's not scissors." Mokuba growled, looking at his hand. He'd chosen paper.  
  
"Well if your going to like that." Shizuka sighed, pulling her hand in.  
  
"Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!"  
  
"Ha I win!" Shizuka shouted, holding up the same index finger she'd chosen the turn before.  
  
"That's not even in the game!" Mokuba shouted, his hand pulled into a tight fist.  
  
"It's a stick of dynamite! What did you think the 'shoot' was for, silly!" Shizuka laughed gleefully to herself as Mokuba's patience finally snapped.  
  
"FINE! I GIVE UP! I'LL KISS HIM, DAMN YOU!!!"  
  
"Well, gee Moky, you could have just told me you wanted to kiss him from the beginning! It would have saved us a lot of trouble you know!" Mokuba quickly resisted the urge to strangle his accomplice, clenching his hands into fists and immediately shoving them into his pockets.  
  
"ERG!"  
  
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"That bastard… he tricked me again!" Yami no Bakura growled, as he staggered to his feet and stumbled over to where the others were shouting and laughing.  
  
"I don't know Yami, he seemed pretty nice to me." Bakura added mentally, as the darker Bakura narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Bakura, pretty nice people don't rip me off or make me sick to my stomach with degrading dances!"  
  
"Is that what you think I did?" Yami no Bakura quickly spun around to be face to face with Marik, who was a little too happy for the dark spirit's liking.  
  
"My reward. Now." Bakura growled as Marik's grin widened even further.  
  
"Of course." He chuckled, pulling out the Sennen Rod. Bakura's eyes glittered like the golden object did as it caught the sun's light. However, Marik had no intention of giving Bakura the rod as he soon demonstrated by quickly unsheathing it and pulling out the dagger that had been hidden from view. Grabbing Bakura by the arms he placed the knife's blade against the spirit's throat.   
  
"What're you doing-" Bakura shouted, only to feel the blade press closer to his neck. He felt a thin trace of blood drip down his dress, slowly staining it inside out.  
  
"Giving you your reward." Marik scoffed, as the dark spirit narrowed his eyes.  
  
"I shall slaughter Seto Kaiba for the invention of this game."  
  
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And somewhere in virtual world Seto Kaiba sneezed… 


End file.
